This topic contains 17 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by 
David Hayward 1 year, 2 months ago.
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So a while back I posted a message I got on my Mars Hill Refuge facebook page and I responded. I just saw that I got this response:
Shari ElmoreWhy would I acknowledge your pain? I knew nothing of it- I was responding to the Cult post. Also, true theology IS love, make no mistake. Just because I didn’t validate you, that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. I don’t know your story, so why assume I was projecting guilt or shame? You say you are sorry it made me feel harassed, yet you continue with it, so isn’t that hypocritical, considering you recognize it hurt me, yet refuse to change? It isn’t always about being sinned against in life-it is inevitable that we will be hurt badly as we are all “shitty” sinners who will hurt each other-no getting around that-but it’s how we choose to respond to it that will either reflect Christ or deflect from Him. Do you even know how they are responding to your blog? Just because they aren’t arguing, doesn’t mean they aren’t praying for redemption between you. Have you reached out in love? Yes, I read stuff all the time-and it seems there are a lot of people out there who expect perfection from the church and leadership, when no one ever could be perfect-except God. When I spoke of you giving grace, you went straight to the defense and projecting onto others instead of listening. If you feel sinned against, say so, to those who have sinned against you, but you don’t need others to get on the “I hate MH” train. It’s between you and certain people who have upset you and God. As far as the other people go, I don’t know their stories, either. I know of some people who were doing harmful things to others (such as sex with a minor) who refused to repent according to scripture, but like I said, it’s not about being sinned against, but how you choose to respond that reveals your heart for God. BTW, I am in here and I am talking to you about it-sometimes God has a plan that doesn’t include our expectations, but if we are willing, He can do great things for us. I am grateful for the opportunity to be in conversation with you about it.
“Taking revenge is being overcome by sin; doing good is overcoming evil with good. Christian love is evidenced by our abhorrence of evil and our cleaving to what is good (verse 9). Revenge is being overcome by sin and is the promotion of evil. The Christian does not “fight fire with fire”; we must not react to sin by sinning. Our sin was overcome by the righteousness of God. The sins of others expressed in opposition to us will not be overcome by our sinful acts. Sin is only overcome by good. As we do “good” to our enemies, we vividly demonstrate to an unsaved world how God defeats sin, complimenting the gospel we are to proclaim. When the sin of others prompts us to sin in return, we have been defeated by sin. When the sin of others prompts us to do good to our enemies in return, sin is defeated and righteousness prevails.”-https://bible.org/seriespage/loving-your-enemies-overcoming-evil-good-romans-1214-21
So so frustrating. I don’t know who the fuck this lady is and she says she doesn’t know the details but then tries to lecture me and tell me what to do (not knowing if I have done those things or not). All I can picture is David’s bible fortress this morning.
But to be honest…all of this shit is triggering and mind fucking.
Oh and the “sex with a minor” reference is about one of my best friends Andrew and that is not how it went down. It is what the leadership told everyone on “The City”.
And this: “Do you even know how they are responding to your blog? Just because they aren’t arguing, doesn’t mean they aren’t praying for redemption between you. Have you reached out in love?”
OMG. Seriously. I have corresponded with “Head of Security” (the irony), responded to their “Call for Reconciliation”, reached out to two of the people, whatever. Not a single leader who was responsible or complicit has ever attempted to contact me. How the fuck would I know how they are responding to my blog? And do I fucking care?
AnonymousDon’t give her any room in your head. She is not worth one fucking moment of your time.
She is just wrong, wrong, wrong … so wrong.Seriously this makes me want to just delete the page. Who has time for this shit? I want to say “I am not a Christian anymore”. And then link her to David’s cartoon this morning.
I’m not going to shoot you. She already is.
AnonymousPam – I’m so sorry that person wrote such a toxic response which is of course upsetting. You’re right – that is so fucked!!! Stuff like that is way too crazy-making to deal with, and IF you try to respond (which I don’t recommend), your words will just be twisted out of context and used against you. Toxic people like that don’t need any extra ammunition to take more undeserved pot shots at you. So go pound some nails, or break some plates or throw some rocks – or whatever you do to get out your frustrations – and don’t give this toxic response one more second of your time, energy, emotions, or thoughts! IT JUST AIN’T WORTH IT!!! Like David said, fundamentalists aren’t really interested in actually having a civil, possibly enlightening discussion with you, all they want to do is throw their pious platitudes and Scripture verses at you – and who needs that!
Tell them you are not a Christian anymore. Just say it and be done with this person. They don’t even seem to realize that you MIGHT NOT be one anymore. That is how narrow their focus is.
Okay, what I have to say may sound like hate rhethoric but I have problems with Ms. Sheri on several levels.
1. Fundies/Evangelicals cannot just love for the sake of love. She asks why she should acknowledge your pain. Hmmm, because that is simply respecting another individual. That is love for love’s sake; not because “the Bible tells me I have to”.
2. She simply assumes you are a Christian; however, that is how most right-wing Christians think. It is a symptom of either their narcissism or their short-sightedness: “I am a Christian, so I assume you are too. If you are not, then you are a person who needs to be habilitated/rehabilitated into the church.” The sheeple cannot see beyond the Bible in front of their nose. Fucking forget God, they worship a book.
3. She accuses you of being a hypocrite because you didn’t change your behavior, in her opinion. Apparently you hurt her by just being yourself and defending your position. “It isn’t always about being sinned against in life-it is inevitable that we will be hurt badly as we are all “shitty” sinners who will hurt each other-no getting around that.” Well, if that’s the case, the bitch just needs to get over it.
So tell the twat to step off. Tell her you’re not a Christian and you’re not interested in her Biblical solutions. Or just forget about her. If you ignore her, you give her words no creedence. Good luck.
Here is how I responded:
Shari, I think you have mistaken me for a Christian. I no longer consider myself one according to your standards. So all of the language, requirements, scriptures, etc. don’t really apply in this situation. Since you do not know me, did not bother to read anymore than that post, and are hell bent on “bringing me to repentance” I am done with this conversation.
AnonymousPam – That was a brilliant response! Instead of continuing to play tug of war (with words) with her, you simply dropped your end of the rope. She can continue to tug on her end of the rope all she wants but you have left the game (which will frustrate the hell out of her!!) You freed yourself from a toxic situation and can move on while she sits and stews in her own juices. I’d say that’s poetic justice!
Well done, Pam! That reply was excellent. Knocks the foundations out from their arguments quite neatly. It’s nearly the same problem I’ve been having with the host of my bible study.
Wade.
AnonymousAwesome reply, Pam. Well done!!
How often do you get these nay-sayers? I know it’s been a huge source of stress for you and I”m not sure it’s worth it. I think having a place of refuge is a great idea though.
Pam, I just couldn’t do it. I still can’t. That you even have a blog open for people to post is amazing. I see you working out your life, parenting your kids, being a thoughtful person, and wonder why give someone like her any space in your head. She, that woman, is not worth it. not one bit.
I leave you with this song from Lori McKenna… it sums it up nicely.
“…But you ain’t worth the time
You ain’t worth the pain
You ain’t worth the spit in my mouth when I scream out your name.
You ain’t worth the life they hand out in a town this small
You ain’t worth the sound of the tv from the room down the hall
or my weight in salt…
You ain’t worth the cost to repair the hole in the kitchen drywall
You ain’t worth the good advice written on a dirty bathroom stall..
or my weight in salt.”
Good job, Pam!!!
and I toast a margarita in your honor Pam!
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