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The crime and tragedy that is the massacre in Connecticut this past Friday is a heavy on my heart as it is on many. I have been breaking down in tears from time to time since Friday. I can’t stop thinking about how the families of the victims are suffering so much right now, and how their lives will never be the same. The pangs of heartache and grief that I feel over this tragedy are nothing compared to their grief, but I am crying with them from afar. But there are other things regarding the awful, sad event that has been getting me steamed..and I’ve hit the boiling point.
The reactions of certain people that I feel like calling names…lots of names! The reactions of the church going,”god fearing” people that I am still in connection with are making me sick to my stomach and beyond angry. One of them, a status posted on Friday by someone I am “friends” with on FB is:
“God tells us that the heart of man is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked…but we find ourselves surprised when this depravity is displayed. It reminds me to believe God better – what He says is true.”
IMHO what this person said is IRRESPONSIBLE, INSENSITIVE, CALLOUS, and a display of depravity all it’s own. To spout such things, especially in the aftermath of tragedy, only serves to incriminate religiosity for the snobby, high class membership club that most of it is. I fully understand that this person believes what they said..they believe that that’s what “God says”… I also fully understand that people that believe as they do, really cannot see the massive flaws in their own thinking. I admit, I am impatient with that…I want people to be able to see how they are a part of the problem..how they are a part of the depravity they are so eager and willing to point out..and how they could make MOUNDS of positive difference in the world by just keeping their frickin’ piehole SHUT!! Obviously, my misguided FB peer’s status is only one small, (and mild in the grand scheme of religiously awful things to say) example of douchebaggery over this. And certain “godly” people aren’t the only ones making me want to smack them upside the head with a wet fish. A complete atheist, and fellow mother of an elementary schooler just about had me spitting mad when the massacre came up in conversation and I mentioned how sad I’ve been feeling over it, and how I wanted to grab my kids from school that day and squeeze them tight. I added that I just couldn’t help but feel for the mommies and daddies who will never hug their babies again! Her reply?
“Oh, I didn’t have that reaction at all. I didn’t even see my kid until the next day, I had plans out and about that night. The whole thing is so far outside of my monkeysphere, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I mean, yeah, it’s sad…but I think 9/11 was much harder on me than any hurricane or school shooting will ever be as long as it’s not in my town or my kids’ school.”
I am not joking, she really said “monkeysphere”…she really said all of it! I swear she is the most selfish individual I’ve ever known!! What an ASS!
I’m not saying that we should all become incapacitated with grief and be unable to function in our daily lives…that’s certainly not what I am doing. I am just in disbelief at the utter lack of EMPATHY in this person..
And in so many of the religious types, too.
I am so concerned about the pain that they are inflicting on the already broken hearts of those who are directly affected…
Why do so many have their heads firmly up their ass??
>:(
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This topic was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by
David Hayward.
you said it!!
I have been shocked, as you have, on both sides of the spectrum. It sickens me.
I know…. that prayer out of the schools thing and God not in it that went around as a t-shirt really did me in… and all the people who are all upset that they may lose their right to buy guns whenever they want…. I’m sick of them all too… But I pretty much was upset with the same crowd during the election.
So, I teach first grade. Do those 5 words sound as heavy to you as they feel to me?
I went into my classroom on Monday morning thinking about what I would do if you know, the unthinkable happened. How would I get my little beautiful kids to be calm and quiet and hide with me? How would I reassure them? What could we do if we couldn’t hide? How would we make it out a back window, down the side of the building and then climb the chain link fence?
In the midday on Monday I took over for one of the kindergarten teachers for an hour. As she left she quietly says to me, “you know where the closet is right?”
and my heart is broken open by this senseless nightmare act. And all those people who say God isn’t in the schools… I got news for you… God is there… he/she is just not your narrow-minded bigot of a god.
my god is weeping with us.
Moxie: I am sorry that you were so deeply affected… if we were neighbors and you needed a ride, I would have taken you to your school to get your kids early.
Yet, when I learned to kill people when needed, a part of me died (some of me died in military training and much of me in personal defense training). To keep PTSD at bay, I am unable to process grief except at extreme levels that rip into my mind. A part of me is now very cold. So, I am one of those people that have little real empathy.
One of the homeless men visited my old church, and exploded in rage – he then stormed out. I was the only person that followed him into the parking lot, and chatted with him to calm him down… not a single man came out to join me. I was sexually attacked by one homeless man on the day I was cooking food for them in the woods – I was forwarned by the Spirit, and countered his attack so strongly that his mouth bled, stopping the attack… two weeks later, he came for food and I served him. When I visited a church last Saturday, the preacher discussed the Conn deaths, and I automatically looked for ‘warnings’ in the faces of others, and thought about killing an attacker if needed – all in between worship songs.
When terrible things like Conn hit the newspapers, I cannot comment on them on the Internet… for fear everything I say will be simply wrong, and no comfort to anyone.
I say all this, because some of us have reasons for cutting off real empathy towards extremes. I do not know the other posters you quoted personally at all. But people like me are often former police, fire/rescue, ER, military and/or victims that have processed the past and simply cannot be a victim again… the mental shield goes up, and we move into action…. and in some cases, into gross avoidance.
May I offer that your posters showed their heart. For some reason, they cannot feel certain pains anymore…oh, they still feel other joys and other pains, most likely. But… I am sorry that they wrote anything, for when those ‘shields are up’ we should recognize the dead sensation we feel, and be silent. Yet, in an odd way … it was good your posters were not well trained, for now you know their ‘shields are up’ to protect their own vulnerabilities…. and you’ve seen their heart…. you know them far deeper now… and perhaps can have compassion on their wounds, and overlook the foolishness of their words.
Much love in Christ always and unconditionally; Caryn
AnonymousCaryn – I’m glad you shared about not being able to be empathetic. I had to do a fair amount of distancing myself from people’s pain in order to function effectively as a nurse in the ER and in the OR years ago. (And also to survive abuse.)
I was very involved in sharing my pain and responding to the pain of others on this website, until about a week ago when I just completely hit a wall and shut down. It’s like I just cannot deal with any more pain – not mine or anyone else’s. I cannot get into the Christmas spirit at all. I have no desire to do things I normally enjoy doing. I force myself to do them anyway, but there is no joy in any of it. Crying doesn’t help and neither does not crying. Classic signs of depression. THIS JUST REALLY SUCKS!
Mox and Starfielder and everyone else – I’m sorry that I can’t enter into your pain at the moment. I wish I could! When I read people’s posts, I want to respond, but it’s like I am paralyzed. I just sit in front of my computer and I can’t type even one word. I haven’t been this depressed in years which perplexes me and totally pisses me off! I just want to get back to the good plateau I was on during the first few months of being an active part of this amazing community.
Just letting you guys know I may need to dial back my involvement here until I can sort this out. I have never shared so openly or publicly about being a victim of SRA (Satanic Ritual Abuse) as I have here, so I’m thinking that must have triggered something. The sooner it works its way into my conscious mind, the sooner I can deal with it and get it resolved. In the meantime, I just have to take things one day at a time. Please do NOT worry or take it personal if I don’t respond to any posts right now. As Arnold Schwartzenegger says, I’ll be bach!!
Jo, I get it. Hang in here/there. Looking forward to when you’re back. I spent a long time in the same place. It comes and goes. May yours go quickly. -Melinda
Jo: <hugs!> yes, take all the time off from us you need. I would be crushed to hear that you stayed ‘involved’ … even for ‘spiritual reasons’…. when you simply needed a break. Who is to say that periodic community is not the best for you?
And, you were so brave sharing about the SRA… and that level of exposure and vulnerability can do strange things to the mind/brain… I think that such sharing helps in the long run, but in the short run, I think I’ve found some strange ‘chemical exhaustion’ that happens in my mind/body union… and having ‘no zip or zap’ for a few days, well, that has happened to me too.
Depression… I agree with the doctor’s quote (in the link below) that it can be highly individualistic.
My latest approach is a raw diet, exercise, and CoQ10….. and some other vitamins, but again, I have no idea if this will help restore the sense of normal.
The doctor’s article (the link) is below. As always, use whatever resonates with you.
http://www.lef.org/magazine/mag2008/dec2008_James-Gordon_01.htm?source=search&key=depression
Hang in there! You are loved here! Enjoy Christmas as best you can, and give yourself permission to rest, k?
Much love in Christ always and unconditionally; Caryn
AnonymousThank you so much Caryn for sharing that. It is really hard to explain to people that I have lived in situations that would cause PTSD for so many years, that my responses to tragedies like these would not help anyone either. I immediately get very “action” oriented. I either get super objective and focused on the different things that might prevent a future event, super duper angry, or depressed.
The Conn. one made me go super action oriented. Not sure why.
Between living in NYC on 9/11, being an EMT, childhood sexual abuse, church abuse, my mom’s 14 suicide attempts, and my husband’s ex pulling some stuff, I am pretty sure my adrenals are shot.
I think if I was honest I would be able to say that I have cut myself off a lot from things. Getting emotional never helped. I think I too need to work on this, Jo. This i
I echo what Caryn said too, Jo. It would be worse if you stayed around for spiritual reasons. Whatever you need, we are here. k?!? We all absolutely adore you. I’m sure you sense that, though.
Much love everyone,
Ash
AnonymousThanks Ashley, Caryn, Starfielder and everyone else for your love and support and for just being there for me!
Since sharing with you guys what was going on with me, I seem to be doing a little better. YAY!
Moxie – you need to post that second funny story of yours. I’m sure I’m not the only one who needs some comic relief!
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This topic was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by
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