This topic contains 20 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by 
Jeni Ananda 3 months, 2 weeks ago.
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AnonymousOh man sex before marriage is awesome! So freaking awesome!
Then there is the time right after that – guilt, shame, praying for forgiveness, telling God we’d never do it again…. (I sure as SHIT could have done without that back then).
LOL – then there is Sex right after getting married – we could have sworn it was SO MUCH BETTER…. You know because the Holy Spirit was in it… “Lolok honey, Jesus is now in bed with us.” lol – It was the same in actuality…
27 years later, we are finally getting the hang of things…. sometimes…
I was a virgin until my wedding night. Pretty dumb decision that I think had a lot of weight in how difficult my first year of marriage was.
My wife and I dated through 8th grade up. 8 years before we got married – 8 years of fighting every natural urge and feeling an immense guilt for even having the urge. I think somehow all that guilt made sex something I fear – my first year of marriage we probably only had sex 6 times? Kinda unheard of, especially for people that had been fighting the desire to do the deed for so long. I think guilt programmed me not to enjoy it, to feel bad about it, and to ignore my desires.
It’s better now, but I don’t think it’s close to a normal sexual relationship because of that first year.
@RevOxley I think that’s a massive reason why the sexual part of my marriage is so damaged. I am currently trying to retrain my thinking about sex, because it has always been associated with horrible, stomach dissolving guilt and shame! Then add to that that my husband was NOT a virgin, and I was..there’s just a whole big jumble of thoughts and feelings I can not even really adequately express. I want to feel free, and I want to enjoy sex with my husband..but I don’t know how. But at least I know now at least one of the big reasons why..before I became unchurched, I don’t think I would have been able to pinpoint anything. Actually, I wasn’t able to…
@RevOxley that’s interesting, learning that the same can be true for men as for women. I guess I’m so used to hearing the phrase “damaged goods” in relation to women & sex and how that often causes women to have negative sexual experiences even after marriage. I think we’re trained also to believe that men want it 24/7, so as wives we’re supposed to put out regularly. It was certainly true for me that guilt made it difficult for a long time, while my husband (who never felt any guilt about what we did) was just frustrated that I didn’t want to have more sex. Not that I’m glad you have gone through the same thing, but it’s important to know that it can be similarly difficult for men.
I think it’s a wonderful piece of satire – thanks for sharing.
I have a dear friend, who called me one night, weeping uncontrollably. She said her and her boyfriend had had sex. She was so upset that she had upset God. I asked her if she asked Him about it.
WHAT? Asked Him about it?
Yeah, you can do that, you know. Its possible that your covenant just came when you were ready, not when the ‘world’ felt they needed to put a legal paper to it.
She said she’d call me right back. I waited.
When she called, she was ecstatic! “Yes!!! He’s not mad! He’s not angry! He’s happy for us!”
That’s the God I know. They did eventually get married, they have been for several years now and their baby girl is gorgeous at 2. He adopted her kids. Sometimes being able to discern (tell) between a harmful religious teaching and how God really feels, is asking God for clarity, or calling a friend who has a high level of freedom. I cherish my freedom. It’s SO utterly important to me, and I usually feel like my ‘freedom availability’ is helpful to others. Maybe this will help?
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