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AnonymousI thought of another low cost resource today that I have used and enjoyed. It is the website http://www.dailyom.com. They send out free daily, or almost daily blurbs about some spiritual topic but more importantly they offer a wide range of online classes, usually where you get a once-weekly lesson emailed to you. Oftentimes there is a discussion forum you can go on about the class and also some videos. I thought about it because today their blurb was an excerpt from an online class about managing anxiety. Personally I think my problem is more anxiety and anger, than depression so it was apropos for me. The important thing is most of these classes are you pick what you want to pay so you can pay as little as $1 for the whole class. A class I really enjoyed was the Peaceful Warrior class based on the work and writings of Dan Millman. Currently I am taking a class on Rumi and another on Christian mysticism. Like I said, there are hundreds of classes available for next to nothing and you can do them at home in your own time. I would be interested to hear about other neat resources people have found and used successfully.
Heh rosyaire – I just checked out that website! Looks great! I’m going to try it too! Thanks for posting it here!
Mox – one more thing I forgot to say in my hmmm “book” there… I keep myself sane by creating… and learning new skills. Pour yourself into things. You are very skilled at writing… put together a book of poems like that and publish it. Create things that will help others. Use your art and music gifts to throw all those intense feelings into. It’s like flying lessons – learn to fly with your gifts and a day will come when you will be able to launch. Kids grow up… seems like forever… but one day you will turn around and your little one will be graduating high school and wouldn’t it be great to be super-gifted and refined at that time to take on the world (if not before).
Hi, Rosey…I’m trudging along one step at a time! Thank you for checking on me! I hope you’re having a good weekend!
Ang~ (((HUGS))) …thank you!
How are you today?Pam, you contributed more than you know. I ‘m so sorry you know what it’s like. I will look into Wellbutrin and see if my doctor will let me try it! I’m glad it helps you!
And Ruth! Thank you for sharing all of that with me! I’m going to quote and answer some of the things you said.
“I know your pain… first hand. I know the husband doesn’t get me frustration and the finances have you trapped in on every side pain. I know the youngest child has special needs and so it forces you into isolation pain. I know the personal health/physical pain issues and I know what it feels like to be lonely and isolated from friends. I even know the pain of feeling like your family can’t embrace who you really are.”
You really DO get it! I feel such a conflict of feelings…happy you understand so many specific things that I struggle with, and so sad that you are in the midst of the confusion and despairing feelings and thoughts as well! The last thing you said in that paragraph is a doozy….In my case, my family would much rather that I never, ever express my feelings or share what I’m going through because to them, that would be “whiny”. To know this about my family, and then to show up at my nephews’ birthday party (even though I hadn’t slept and had barely the gas to get there) and have two of my sisters standing on either side of me (both knowing my situation, and neither ever being supportive or caring about it) literally COMPLAINING about not being able to afford a vacation to Italy because they have to refinance their home/sell a home and buy a new bigger one….I don’t know how I didn’t run screaming from the building. Sometimes I get really afraid that that’s exactly what I’m going to do someday..and then I will “seal” their opinion of me. Until I realize that they already have. They think I am way too sensitive, and they think that I’m not doing anything to try and improve my own life. They don’t know me. Anyway…moving on…
“I think it was my spiritual life that kept me going through all these years. It was the belief that God had it in control and that justice would come my way and that all things work together for good.. etc. I don’t know about you but that is what kept me from going crazy and now I just think I suffer for no reason and that even makes it worse. Do you feel that way?”
Actually, yes AND no…I used to think that it was my spiritual life (relationship with god) that gave me hope and helped me keep on keeping on. Sometime last year, I went through a long period of time where I was almost suffocated with complete and utterly hopeless thoughts that now there’s no point… no reward for “overcoming” and no punishment for the ones who mistreat me and so on. So I thought, now I’m just in relentless pain and suffering for nothing? But now days I’m in a phase of “acceptance” of the fact that this is my lot in life right now for whatever reason. It doesn’t make it any less difficult or painful, but that additional suffocating layer of panicky questioning of the “point” of it all has almost faded away altogether. My views have shifted to a place of observing how all the systems of nature work themselves out, and I believe we’re no different. Even if our individual lives don’t seem to pan out or make sense, I believe we’re part of the whole picture and our lives mean something. If all I ever manage to be is an encouragement to one person going through pain and suffering, then I believe that’s worthy of my existence and experiences. This doesn’t mean I don’t get sucked into “funks” (rather often this time of year!) and need encouraging myself, but it does mean that I have something to hold onto.
Oh, Ruth! Your poor daughter last night! And your aching mama-heart! It’s not going to be easy for her to get over that as it is! But literally adding insult to injury..oh, I’m so so sorry!
I sincerely hope her foot heals up quick and that she’s not too deeply scarred by the whole thing.“ If God writes the script (as some of my friends believe) then he has a heck of a nerve writing this kind of life for me. Flip side is that we make our own lives but every time I go to make it better, another obstacle gets thrown up. It’s like there is a ceiling over me that won’t go away.”
I hear you, I really do! I have thought this way… But let me put a bug in your ear (ew..but, well..you know what I mean…What if our lives are more like a river that has no choice but to follow gravity down, down to the ocean? When I ponder my life in this way, it seems to help me make sense of some things. Take it or leave it..:)
“When I get money that is stable and steady – the second, and I mean SECOND that I start to relax and breathe and feel a bit of hope… it gets snatched right out of my hand. These are things completely out of my control so it’s not like I can take responsibility for them and change them. They just are. I don’t want to make this about me – I just want you to know that I GET IT. The whole “I can’t do anything to make my life better because these things stand in my way and there is nothing I can do about them” feeling. It will make you feel depressed because it kills your hope. We need hope to move forward.”
A. YEP! This keeps happening over and over and over again…and now in addition to having barely the money to pay bills, everything is way more expensive and we’re trying to figure out how to eat AND keep from sliding behind on bills..it’s absolutely MADDENING!
B. You CAN make it about you..I don’t mind! You are helping me so much by sharing the raw details like you have…and I actually have always realized that hearing about someone else’s tough life can really help to give me perspective and to find strength I didn’t know I had. I’m willing to listen to ANYONE here. I love hearing about other people and sharing with them. I like the give and take.
I think our society has trained too many people to think they have to deal with their own shit instead of teaching them about helping each other deal with it. Because everyone shits..wait, I mean..everyone has shit to deal with! I think that isn’t going to be the norm someday..I hope I’m around when the scales start going the other way..:DAnd finally…THANK YOU for being so encouraging to me. You are shining a bright light into my heart today, and I’m grateful for your sweet, caring and understanding spirit. If I could, I’d totally hug you right now. I will be looking forward to more interaction with you and all the other wonderful people here! Love you all!
love you mox. you DO rox.
You’re welcome Mox and I’ll take that hug!
Love the river analogy – interesting….. and healthy, I think.
And your sisters griping about trips to Italy… I totally hear you! How insensitive they are to your needs and assuming that you just don’t want to do anything about it and gripe. Those are family tapes and you’ve been labelled! Unfortunately, families don’t like to lose those labels once they’ve been assigned. So sorry!!
And the “whiny” comment too – I was taught not to express my sad feelings because it was “negative”. alway keep a cheery face there – don’t be a pouter…. Think my maternal grandmother had a lot to do with that – I see it running thru the family system there. And she learned that from her mother – why… because she was married to an abusive man. Stupid systems…. The gag order doesn’t affect as much the private, introverted, flat liner types but it sure messes up the extraverted creative feeling types….
We will all get through this… Support even if it is online always helps! It’s good to know you aren’t going through it alone….
Hey Mox (and everyone), I’m a geek so I don’t have many words, just math, which doesn’t hep much here, but I am thinking of you all!!
AnonymousMox and Ruth Anne – Both of your stories make me want to scream over all the unfair crap that keeps happening in your lives! And then to not have financial resources to deal with the crappy things totally sucks! No wonder you want to throw a tantrum Moxie! I say to both of you, GO AHEAD!! It’s so much better to get it out than to keep it bottled up inside. (Easier said than done I know.)
I “get” how discouraging and demoralizing it is to be married to a man who “doesn’t get you.” I was in an 18 yr. marriage to a verbally and emotionally abusive man and it was always ALL about him and his needs and his demands. And I allowed that because it was just easier to bite the bullet than to deal with all the drama that would have occurred had I not. When I went through two of the most difficult things I have ever faced in my entire life, my husband was totally CLUELESS! (I’ll save those details for when I share “my community story” which I will try to post soon. It’s taken this long to work up the courage!)
Ruth Anne – I feel so bad that your daughter fell off the stage and for the ensuing meltdown and drama that triggered for the entire family! I hope her foot and heart (and yours) will feel healed soon, and that your hubby will “man up” and realize he has NO reason to be mad at you!
Rosie – Thanks so much for sharing about the nearly free on-line spiritual classes. I am definitely going to check that website out!
Hi, Randy! Well, someone needs to be good with math…;) It most certainly isn’t me! Lol! Nice to “see” you here…:D
Jo, thanks.
I feel a tantrum coming on..I wonder when it will surface? I’m glad you’re free of the abusive marriage now. Mine isn’t abusive..just..um..well, he’s a “jelly man” if you get my drift. Things don’t seem to phase him. He doesn’t feel my pain or understand it, and so he’s not there for me when I’m hurting. He is so very laid back and just kind of indifferent to a lot of things. ugh. I AM very grateful he isn’t self absorbed and abusive.Anyway, I need to go.
Talk to you all later!
Thanks Randy – great pic!
Jo – thanks for your words…. and I can’t wait to hear your story that you are going to share… You can do it! Great place to let it all out. I think I need to hear it badly….
Thanks Randy – great pic!
Jo – thanks for your words…. and I can’t wait to hear your story that you are going to share… You can do it! Great place to let it all out. I think I need to hear it badly….
AnonymousThanks for the vote of confidence Ruth Anne. I just finished the rough draft so I should have it ready to post Sunday or Monday.
AnonymousSome of you have indicated an interest in the site I recommended, DailyOm.com. I have taken courses there on topics as diverse as aromatherapy, crystal healing, overcoming depression, etc. I wanted to specifically mention courses by Dr. Judith Orloff, who is a psychiatrist and also a medical intuitive. She is open about using her intuition in her practice. She has authored many books including “Emotional Freedom” which is great, and I think there are some courses based on this book about dealing w/relationships with dysfunctional or hurtful people. I think one of them is “Combatting Emotional Vampires” which very much applies to folks like my narcissistic mother. My Rumi course, a year of Rumi quotes, ends tomorrow, which I am sad about. Hope everyone has a great Sunday. Hang in there, Moxie. We’re all in this together.
AnonymousMoxie, I also love the way you use your words. “You loved the idea of me” is such a great phrase! I think too many of us have had people like that in our lives.
Thank you, Amy!
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