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Please forgive me for having to ask this question but I am struggling a bit to answer this for myself.
It has been so engrained in me (since childhood) that I am nothing without Christ. That I am nothing but a sinner. Sinner =bad. I have loathed myself most of my life. And I have also ‘worked’ to gain approval not only from others but from myself.
Now that I am in that ‘not sure about anything’ state and questioning my beliefs, I’m not attending church and therefore there are no ‘works’ being done here, I am that ‘backslider’ and technically no longer ‘in Christ’ …where the hell does my worth come from?
My running coach recently told me ‘Sara, you are worth it’. And inside I’m thinking ‘WHY’? ‘HOW?’ It doesn’t even compute.
I seriously need some help with this one. Is it different for everyone? What am I missing here?
I can look at my kids and see that THEY are ‘worth it’. Why can’t I see where my worth comes from?
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This topic was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by
SaraJ.
WOW GREAT TOPIC @SaraJ! Let’s see what comes of this one
Sara….
Honestly, I think you must deconstruct the doctrines you have been taught about original sin and hell. This is what I had to do. These blog posts were sort of a springboard that opened up my mind to the idea that even within Christianity (if you are still there), there are many schools of thought about things I was taught were absolute. I realized I had been sold a false bill of goods about myself. I decided that I would no longer live my life out of fear, shame or guilt. I decided to trust me (or my intuition, thoughts, spirit, etc) no matter what.
If you are not originally sinful, if your heart is not deceitful…but you were created good in God’s image, and that original goodness outweighs any mistakes (sin) you may make in your life, than you are in fact, WORTHY. You are worthy because you were created in the good image of God.
The other doctrine I had to deconstruct was the whole garden of Eden thing where Adam & Eve screwed things up for everyone since the beginning of time. I did not eat the FUCKING APPLE!!! I had been carrying that around for so long. I was in a church where I was still paying the price as a woman for something some (possibly) mythical character did. We were even referred to occasionally as “daughters of Eve”.
Specifically this part:
“So, to women within Mars Hill, or any other community, who struggle with pervasive feelings of guilt and shame, who find themselves confessing and repenting but never feeling any better, who struggle with wanting to submit to their husbands (or who perhaps find a relief in submitting out of a fear of their own competence), I offer this: You can trust yourself. There’s a strong Biblical basis for you trusting yourself. I believe that your discontent is telling you something important. I think your so-called sinful desires that never really go away are not actually sin, but the imprint of God, the voice of the Spirit you received at both birth and baptism, guiding you in that still and silent way towards true life and freedom. Many of your sisters and brothers in Christ have held this theology of self-love, self-trust, and original goodness throughout the centuries. It is as legitimate as the messages you hear from your pulpit, just preached a little more quietly.
Get to know your own wise and trustworthy heart. There will be times where your behavior is not in line with your heart, and other times when you act on your desires in a misguided and even harmful way, but the solution always lies in listening more closely to the heart, not modifying the behavior. The Spirit of God resides within you, the image of God is imprinted on you, so dig through the junk that covers it up, and pursue your own heart. And, let me know how it goes.”
This other way of thinking had NEVER been presented to me, and I began to realize that maybe the narrative in my mind was wrong.
Then, in the comments of that post, she elaborated this:And a post about original sin:
I think the other thing that helped me is the idea of Namaste. It roughly means “the spirit of god in me acknowledges the spirit of god in you”.
Also, as part of my story, I was shunned and this caused me to really look at human decency and basic respect for my own personhood. I could not believe that people would do and say things in the name of God/religion, that were such an abuse of my personhood.
What gives us worth is being around people who accept us just as we are without judging.
This might be harder than it sounds. Or rather, it might take longer to have a positive effect than you might think. I have a failed marriage behind me. To put it nicely, there was a clash of expectations and inability on both sides to figure this out. To put it bluntly, it was not good for me: my wife did not know how to disagree with me without tearing me down. It took several years of counselling to uncover most of this.
One of the things I did after separating was to join a writers’ group. This is one of the best things I ever did because it taught me how a group of people can truly accept you just as you are.
But that’s only my journey.
Wade.
This is a good question. To be honest, I don’t think there is a quick solution to finding one’s own worth. For me, a sense of worth comes from thinking upon the idea that I am apart of this whole universe. The entirety of the universe, for whatever reason, has come together to bring “me” about. As Carl Sagan said “We are a way for the cosmos to know itself.”
That’s an incredible thought, I think.
Anonymous@SaraJ You have a running coach? That has got to be worth something. Wish I had a running coach…
Okay but seriously, I think this is a relative question as in the word “worth” is different depending on who you ask.Right, so stay with me here. How much is a brand new HD TV with Dolby sound worth to a starving child in Africa who lives on the ground and doesn’t have electricity on his village? I am pretty sure it might make a decent lean-to. But, you get what I mean right?
So the way I see it (I still believe in God by the way – yeah I know. Let’s keep that one between me and you please) – so the way see it we all have equal worth out of the womb, maybe even before. All of us are equally valuable because we are all human beings living here on earth. Then as we grow and develop skills and intellect and other fancy stuff, we grow in value to our world and the people around us. Again worth is relative, so a single Mom raising a 4 year old girl may not be worth a lot to a bunch of young guys looking to get laid, but that little girl finds that her Mom IS the most worthy thing in her life. See what I mean?
An ego-centric highly skilled brain surgeon is of great value to those in need of brain surgery, but not very worthy of his kind and patient spouse. I know all of this is confusing. But, I think that you have a lot of worth. Partly due to the fact that you are a kind responder to my posts, and also that your running coach (someone who actually knows you) says so. So there. Does any of this make any sense or does it come off like rambling?
@pamwerner @staticsan @SavageSoto & @John
Thank you SO much for your input. I will continue to digest what you have all shared. I know it is going to take some time and ‘deconstruction’ as Pam had mentioned. It just feels so good to finally discuss this and hear some trusted feedback. You have NO idea how much I appreciate you all and TLS. Lots of love…
@pamwerner Thank you for the blogposts. Very freeing……:)
Love love love this thread! When I left my church I left that identity along with the confines of the way I believed AND my community and status. When I hear worship music now I can’t even sing it. All those songs with lines like, “I am unworthy.” I’m like WHAT?! I am created in the image of God! I am awesome because I’m human!
I wish I had a running coach!
@John @starfielder The running coach comes with a price. And I’m not talking $. Firstly I have to get over my insecurities and my natural tendency to be an introvert. And then I actually have to RUN!! LOL. I am not naturally athletically inclined.
Thank you @starfielder for your contribution. I know I cannot handle ‘worship’ songs or the local Christian radio station AT ALL.
Slowly the pieces are coming together. I took the kids to the pool today (a special thing for them) and considered how they may value me and our time. How they accept me as I am and love me for me ( I realize this may change when they are 16 or so..haha)…kinda like what John was saying. Bits and pieces…
Sara, we can talk running…I run too! When I first started I thought I would die of embarrassment. I haven’t died yet! I’m about to run my 10th half marathon.
I know I said this already but when I left church, I left community, status, power, reputation, position, friends, social calendar… it’s really weird to look back at how much my life and self worth was dictated by my involvement. And, it’s really weird to be on this side of it now and not have any of those things. I heard @John talk about learning to make friends and I would agree… it’s a different paradigm to not have an agenda. And I’m sad that I had an agenda for so long. I had no idea but that would be another forum post…
I say what my unitarian friends say every morning, “I’m created for love. I breathe in love and I breath out love to the world.”
I worked as a jail chaplain for several years and found myself changing the way I saw other humans by the women I met in jail. Inmates get really real really fast. They see right through folks who aren’t real. They know they are in a mess. They know that if and when they get out they are going back to a mess and how, just how are they suppose to change their lives? They asked me this all the time.
I’m liking what Christine Murietta says:
Get to know your own wise and trustworthy heart. There will be times where your behavior is not in line with your heart, and other times when you act on your desires in a misguided and even harmful way, but the solution always lies in listening more closely to the heart, not modifying the behavior. The Spirit of God resides within you, the image of God is imprinted on you, so dig through the junk that covers it up, and pursue your own heart. And, let me know how it goes.
@starfielder Wow!! 1oth half marathon!! How many toenails later?
I’ve done the 10km but cannot imagine the half. You are a machine. :))I love this… “I’m created for love. I breathe in love and I breath out love to the world.”
What did you tell the inmates (on how to change their lives)?
Like the Christine Murietta quote as well. How do we become better at listening to our heart? Any thoughts?
Ha ha ha ha I have lost 6 toenails to running! Some of them have been repeats! I found a product that puts a protective gel sleeve on my two toes that seem to always be sacrificed and so far I haven’t lost another toenail since. I can send you the info… I also wear bigger shoes now. OH! and socks. Wear excellent socks. (which I think people should wear excellent socks anyway just because, well, good socks just might be the key to life)
For inmates I listened. There really is not much I have the power to do and words are only words. But they stew in their thoughts all day long. So, we talk about whatever it is they want to talk about. Sometimes, many times, they want me to pray for them. If they ask, I will pray for them. They are always grateful. I never listen to their case details for legal reasons so it’s usually emotional. The majority of inmates are mentally ill and the care they receive is not particularly helpful. The simple act of listening well, is a huge gift to them. I never tell an inmate how they can change their lives. I can be honest and upfront about what other people have tried but the recidivism rate is about 98%. They need to know that they are valuable and loved no matter what they have done, where they have been, who their friends are, what they believe or the outcome of their case.
How do we become better at listening… I think for each of us this path may look different. I started with Parker Palmer’s book Listen to your Life. I didn’t like the book but he talks about how he listened to his life. I read it with a book group and we discussed it. I took a year long class at a catholic retreat center that was called, Soul Journey. They did not provide answers. They asked questions and we wrote responses to the questions. We read books such as A Sacred Voice is Calling. I stopped listening to sermons or anyone with answers. I stopped being in “Bible study.” I started “holding” the questions and learning to be okay with the question and not seeking an answer. I found a spiritual director and started going to “direction.” The spiritual director helped me see and hear for myself what my life was telling me. I’ll be interested in what other people on this thread answer to how to be a better listener because I’m still learning…
AnonymousI ran across this on fb today. Thought I would share it here for this who still have faith in the God thing
You deserve God’s love. God is not being nice to you by giving you something you don’t deserve, he is being a Father to you and giving you exactly what he believes you deserve. You deserve his love, all his love, and if it’s possible, even more. He wants you to have his whole being and the fullness of his love.You’re his child, and to your heavenly Father, you deserve everything he desires to give you. Not because you’ve earned it, but because of the DNA of who you are. His beloved child. His treasured possession. His everything. You’re worthy of it all, every last drop of love, you’re worthy of it. It’s yours. Bless your heavenly Father’s heart and receive it freely and abundantly.
-Mick Mooney
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This topic was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by
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