This topic contains 33 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by 
-
Posts
-
i love this community as well. thank you all
AnonymousStarfielder, you did the right thing to let someone else “screen” the letter your pastor sent you. I’m glad you didn’t read it cuz it will only cause you more pain, hurt and anger, and who of us needs anymore of that??? None of us need the scabs ripped off the wounds we are trying so hard to get healed.
I don’t even read letters from my own parents anymore because they are still so toxic and in complete denial about the sexual abuse my dad committed against me and my nieces. They are filled with sickening pious platitudes and signed “Our Unconditional Love” – and I have learned that it is best for me to just throw them in the trash rather than read them. Sad, but necessary for my sanity so I can move forward!
Thanks Jo. As the days have passed I’m so glad I haven’t spent any time on it. Hurrah for me! I spent all day yesterday making stuff (2 sterling silver turquoise pendants and and a sterling silver ring), being creative and listening to music. THIS is what I want to spend my time thinking about and relishing for sure. I thought I would just pinch myself with complete happiness!
AnonymousI wish you MANY more days like that to come! I’m really happy for you!!!
We have to set healthy boundaries for ourselves and when people insist on disrespecting those boundaries with unwanted letters, phone calls, etc. that is on THEM, not us!
Anonymous” I’ve found a center for myself without a belief system.” Not to change the topic, but Servantgirl, thank you for expressing your spiritual walk in this way–I just had an “a-ha” moment. For years now, I’ve struggled to articulate my evolving belief system and recently have started to let go of that need to define. I questioned my growing peace in the absence of definition. Perhaps it is just as you’ve put it, I’ve “found my center without a belief system.” Thank you.
Jo, I have to tell you that the letter I’ve ignored came with attachments of all his notes about our conversations. I am so NOT reading any of it. But, I’ve been thinking about this Richard Rohr quote, so I pass it along, “By the sacred yes or sacred no I mean that affirmation or negation that comes from a deep place of wisdom and courage, even if it creates conflict or disagreement. The sacred yes is not willful or egocentric, but rather is willing and surrendered. The sacred no is not rebellion or refusal, but always the necessary protecting of boundaries.”
AnonymousGreat quote – especially love that last line: “The sacred no is not rebellion or refusal, but always the necessary protecting of boundaries.” Toxic Christians will try to draw you back in with their facade of “concern”, and they are masters at attempting to “guilt” you into reading their letter or answering their phone calls, e-mails, etc.
In dealing with my parents, I have found the best defense is no defense. Whenever I made the effort to respond to their letters, phone calls in the past, all it did was give them more ammunition to use against me later. I think I finally no longer feel guilty for not responding, but it took a long, long time for me not to feel like “the bad guy.”
I’m glad you are sticking to your guns and not reading that letter, cuz it is truly crazy-making to try to deal with people who are experts at playing the “Christian guilt and shame” game. They will get you everytime! The only way to maintain your sanity is to simply refuse to play the game. Sooner or later they will give up and leave you alone. (Of course they will no doubt continue to bad-mouth you to other people every chance they get, but oh well. You and God know the truth and that’s all that really matters.)
Jo, that’s my favorite part of the quote as well. I’m trying to live (as Mary Oliver calls it) my one “wild and precious life!” Thanks for the encouragement. Toxic people are just that, Toxic people. Yeah they probably pray for me as well. I was actually asked by the pastor, how we could believe in the same God. I didn’t answer but I don’t think “we” believe in the same God. So there you have it. The name might be the same but the god is totally different.
AnonymousYeah, my parents have actually parked their car in my driveway a few times and sat there and “prayed” for me on more than one occasion. That was definitely hard to ignore! I’m quite sure they are not praying to the same God you and I pray to either!
Good thing you didn’t answer his question, cuz he would have just twisted your words all around to prove to himself that he is right and you are wrong and he would then be convinced even more than he already is that you really do NEED his prayers.
Jo, totally. Isn’t it great to be free? I’m still moving towards freedom every moment.
Jo, read this from Anne Lamott’s Blog. Made me laugh and reminded me of our correspondence. She writes, “Then Tuesday, I got to be accused in public of horrific acts by a person whom I’m sure even Jesus is sick of at this point. Seriously: Jesus listens to this person for about a minute or so, and then cries out, “Father, make her stop!” So being reviled in public by her was extremely festive, and yet I had no recourse but to practice acceptance and surrender, which BELIEVE ME, are not my strong suits. I wish God loved judgment, revenge and catastrophizing as much as She seems to love forgiveness, humility and surrender, but who asked me? “
AnonymousThank for that. I LOVE anything Anne Lamott writes!!
Could you give me the website address/link to the site she blogs on? Thanks!
Jo, friend her on facebook! Her new book is coming out called, “Help. Thanks. Wow. The The Three Most Important Prayers.”
When I have have contemplated this question a couple things came to mind. Number one, logically, it really doesn’t matter because it isn’t going to be different. The other awareness for me was that I would not be who I am today without how things went down. I really like who I am and the tools I got from those experiences. I can think of no other way of getting them. Most of these tools don’t come from deduction. They come from experience. And there are no crib notes for life.
What a wonderful question, servantgirl. “If I’d known you all back then” I wonder if I could have been the person to comfort you. I have learned so much through the pain and the questioning that I have become someone quite different in the last few years. The journey began for me in 2004 and I was reshaped by it all.
A few days back I watched a video of a concert I did and I hardly recognized myself. I sound nothing like I did in those days. Even so, I was longing for the kind of companionship that is showing up here. I reached out for support and didn’t find it. I think I started to feel a nudge to be what I wanted from others.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.