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AnonymousOne of the things that always troubled me was how abuse against children found such a sanctioned home in so many churches. I feel blessed. My parents did not abuse me. They never hit me. My mother became born again but stuck to her “kids are people too” model and found the whole breaking a child’s will thing to be utterly ridiculous. My father remained a staunch agnostic till the end and of course, would have never condoned anything as awful as spanking a child with a stick.
As a mother it is hard for me to read these stories. Personally I have a absolutely no hit household. One of my children is very high needs. She has autsim and frankly would be a target for lots of abuse in many situations. But I would never, ever allow it. And God help any principal or teacher who ever put their hands on her.
I have to wonder in all these cases. Where were the parents? In my case, they didn’t know about the sexual mistreatment I went through. I thought it would be a bad witness for my dad and I never shared with him what happened to me. My mother didn’t know until years later. Where are the parents? Sorry if this is inappropriate.
AnonymousI doubt this will answer your question, but it may shed some light on the subject. If not for you, then maybe for someone else.
I think sexual abuse is rampant in churches because it is the perfect hiding place for sexual predators. They are always the nicest “Christian” people who no one would ever suspect! Besides that, most people – especially parents – cannot wrap their minds around the possibility that a “Christian leader” or Sunday School teacher or youth pastor would sexually abuse their child. They just simply don’t want to believe it, so they basically bury their head in the sand.
Plus children are often reluctant to tell their parents if they have been abused, because they are ashamed or afraid of the fallout, or that they are somehow partly to blame.
Even when sexual abuse happens at church and the parents believe it happened, the main priority of those in charge is usually to sweep the allegations under the carpet rather than hold the abuser accountable. They pressure the victim’s family to “be good Christians and forgive” the abuser, and all the abuser has to do is act repentant and say they are sorry – and all is forgiven, they are now considered cured (yeah right!), and they are free to continue abusing innocent children. It’s the perfect set-up!
If the parents of the victim insist the leadership do something about “the problem,” then all of a sudden the victim and their parents are the bad guys. They are labeled “divisive/troublemakers” and forced out of the church, because it is just too hard to stay and “fight city hall.” Especially when they are hurting so badly and getting dumped on by the very people who should be offering them the support they so desperately need. IT IS AN ABSOLUTELY CRAZY-MAKING, NO-WIN SITUATION for the victim and their family! At least that was my experience regarding my two neices.
You can cut and paste into community stories if you want. I invite it.
I agree with what Jo White posted in addition to a couple of other factors. I think when you teach people to despise one of their strongest instincts you have the recipe for crazy making.
It started from the beginning of Christianity. When you read about Augustine and St Jerome you will find some of the craziest obsession narratives around sexuality. Augustine decried his constant dreaming of dancing girls and he was the main thought leader in forming the early church with his blend of neoplatonic philosophy and gnostic Christianity. And St. Jerome lived in a cave with a mother and daughter who he wouldn’t allow to bath or comb their hair. And through his erotic letters to their sister, Jerome caused her to deny herself so much that she died of starvation. It was probably one of the first instances of anorexia. Jerome was one of the main early translators of the Bible. And you even have one of the church fathers Origin castrating himself.
Remember these are the thought leaders of the early church. These men are not minor textual critics. This obsession with resisting sexuality is from the beginning.
I only have my own parents to point to…Where were they? My mother beat me and TOLD my father to do so. My mother threatened my siblings and I with anything from withholding food to locking one of us out of the house and making us sleep on the cement in the garage with no pillows or blankets. Sometimes she followed through on those, and frequently she screamed degrading and hurtful things. She hit, slapped, threw me into walls and told me I was lazy and stupid. All the while I was taking care of the 3 youngest and had a rigorous chore schedule while my mom disappeared for hours on end. Control was achieved through fear. And she denied and still to this day denies that she ever did those things. I have given up long ago getting her to admit/apologize/explain…but one of my younger sisters keeps trying. My mom is just as she always was… She will get very upset, cry, and come back with “I know I wasn’t perfect, but I loved you and that’s the best I could do.” We never dared try to tell anyone what she was doing because we couldn’t.
AnonymousSorry Moxie. It sounds like a terrible childhood for you.
AnonymousRichard, please tell me where I can read more about the history of the early church fathers. Not the glossed over stuff that is available in Christian Book stores, but the historically accurate stuff.
amazing moxie. your a survivor and a thriver. that’s for sure.
amazing moxie. your a survivor and a thriver. that’s for sure.
JEB64,
You can find a good summary of Jerome in Wikipedia. You can see the painting of him resisting the dancing girls of Rome. It outlines in a fairly historical manner the basis of his shame and fear core as a young man and his influence on Blaesilla, the daughter of the widow/Saint Paula. He condemned her for being too worldly and eventually caused her to die of the lack of nutrition by telling her to fast after she had been deathly ill.
Here is a passage from a much longer article at this link.
Jerome constantly paints pictures of the worthlessness of a woman’s life. He describes women as concerned only with their make-up, their hair, their flirtations; they are always spiteful, quarrelsome, jealous. This can be illustrated from many passages, but I select one from a letter which was picked out by E. M. Forster as the most remarkable. (E. M. Forster devoted some considerable study to St Jerome. ‘That detestable father’, he called him.) This was a letter addressed to a mother and daughter, who are not identified, and may well be imaginary, and it gave Jerome the opportunity to give vent to his criticisms. Addressing the young girl he goes on at length in this vein:
The way you dress is an index of your secret desires. Your bodice is purposely ripped apart to show what is beneath, and, while hiding what is repulsive, to reveal what is beautiful. [Notice Jerome's distaste for certain parts of the female body.] You wear stays to keep your breasts in place, and confine your body in a girdle. Sometimes you let your shawl drop so as to lay bare your white shoulders . . .
Jerome’s ladies, with their filthy garments, uncombed hair and never-washed bodies, certainly did not fit with such descriptions, He rejoiced, too, if they could hold their emotions in check. He tells with delight how Paula, the dearest to him of his friends, looked away firmly when her little boy held out his arms to her and her daughter wept bitterly on the quay at Ostia when she departed by ship for her new life in Bethlehem. Earlier he had reproached Paula heartlessly for grieving when another daughter died of an overdose of asceticism. He tells how Satan must rejoice at her tears. ‘I miss her just as much as you do,’ he says arrogantly. ‘If you are a true ascetic you should be pleased to be rid of ties. Anyway, don’t worry, I will write about her and make her immortal!’
Clearly Jerome was one disturbed man. You can find much more about Origen, Tertullian, and Augustine by doing a simple search. It’s a lot of tedious crazy making theology majoring in minors and clearly obsessive.
JEB64,
Here is another link and site that discusses the origin of Christianity as it came out of pagan world views. D.M. Murdock is a classically educated ancient language expert and archaeologist. She has some information from many unavailable writings from libraries and sites all over the world.
This particular article is on the problems early Christian fathers had with the similarity of Christianity with a much older Mithraism.
Early Church Fathers on Mithraism: The Devil Got There FirstTheft by deception and lies ……
I got an attorney to try to get about half of what they owed me. They started the process to sue me for slander and defamation.
I was in leadership and was ‘friends’ (I thought) with the pastors and elders who orchestrated the whole fiasco. I was welcomed into their homes as ‘family’. I was told they were taking care of me because I was a widow. I heard so many “I LOVE YOU’s.” I was part of the church from its inception and it was nine years of lies……
AnonymousAng – what you went through totally SUCKS!!! So sorry! I hope you can at least get back some of the money owed to you. Nothing can ever make up for nine years of lies though.
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