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AnonymousI just had a splendid conversation via Facebook, after commenting on a status. Here’s the content:
*Not an Ally* says: I am not an ally.
Holli: No?
NAA: No, you?
Holli: I would answer, but I don’t know what you’re talking about.
NAA: Is today the international day of supporting homosexuality or something?
Holli: Ooooooh. Well, I don’t know. I assumed everyday was support homosexuality day.
NAA: *posts youtube link Same-sex Marriage about equality*Really? Every day? Who told you that?
Holli: God.
NAA: Where were you when God told you this?
Holli: Making out with my girlfriend.
– Here’s the kicker –
NAA: Oh, that God.
Holli: Different from yours, I guess.
NAA: I think so, yes.
I know this is a touchy subject for tons of people, and I do my best to respect individual’s processes, but gah, such separation…it’s sad. My blood was reaching a boiling point.
yep.
AnonymousI think your response was great – I bet God smiled when he heard it! Don’t let the narrow minded Pharisees get you down! They aren’t going to change so just ignore them. That’s pretty much how Jesus handled them when he was here on earth. Although when they got in his face he didn’t hesitate to tell them the truth before he made a hasty exit.
Holli, I too think your response was great. If there was a “like” button, I’d click it…
@hollidurost made me laugh today
i’ve been posting cartoons addressing marriage equality and LGBTQ themes and it’s been fascinating… but occasionally my blood reaches pretty high temperatures as well.Oh I’m smilin’ now…..I just put up a thread about FB/scripture and discover @hollidurost has been engaging on FB today too. I’m not alone after all….your replies have cheered me no end
@hollidurost I love your response. That made me smile. The separation is sad. I didn’t see much anti-gay stuff on my FB page, mostly because I think my friends know better than to say anything to me (they’ve all gotten an earful before) or else I’ve hidden them. >:D The only one I saw was some jackass saying that DOMA is completely Constitutional or else [insert racist term for the President] would have said so. Dude tried to use “lawyer logic” (he is one), but it was really just a conservative rant about the “damn gay people ruining America” by trying to redefine the sacred institution of “biblical” marriage.
AnonymousThanks everyone – @starfielder @JoWhite @Syl @admin @Jacquie @Amy
These discussions hit home for me, obviously, and I am a little worried I focus too much on it – like I need the reassurance that I am fully alive as a gay person. I sometimes feel dependent on others to rally with me and laugh at the silliness, but I am learning to not need that, too, I guess.
The separation really does bug me. I think mostly because many of the people in my life (crazy fundies, or otherwise) are unsure about where they stand on ideas of Christianity and homosexuality, true equality in our society, etc. I don’t want them on a fence. I want them to choose a side. But that’s not part of the process, I guess.
I have this question prancing in my head occasionally: If a person is silent, or not standing for or against acceptance of the LGBTQ community within Christianity and otherwise, are they by default standing against? It makes me think of the ideas of oppression. I see oppression as the act of mis-recognizing another person. The act of not recognizing someone’s sexuality (and orientation) as part of who they are is oppressive. Whether or not someone is accepting, or not, the act of doing nothing is the act of oppression.
Anyway, I’d love to know what you think of that.
This type of oppression isn’t happening in the FB dialogue I posted – I guess that’s a different type of separation and both piss me off.
It IS oppression. Those are my thoughts on it. @Off the Map do you have anything to add to this?
I like your statement “I see oppression as the act of mis-recognizing another person.” I would like to add “the whole person”. There are people in my life who, even though I know they love me, don’t accept a major part who I am or what I do. For example, there are people who don’t appreciate my nakedpastor or my TLS side at all. But that’s all I do and am passionate about. And it robs the relationship of depth. It creates for me a superficiality that exhausts me. Now what if I was gay? That is, what if the “issue” was something far more deeply infused into my actual DNA or whatever… my identity… wow. That would be even more exhausting and sad for me.
Anonymous@starfielder – yes, I agree it is oppression. But “Not An Ally” is at least taking a position. What are your thoughts on the On-the-fence types?
Anonymous@admin – and that’s the part that physically makes my heart ache.
I’m so sorry @hollidurost. the pain is real and i can’t imagine. the way i deal with it from those who only love me partially is that they are actually incapable, at this point in time, to love me any different. from their angle they love me completely. they use the hate the sin but love the sinner thing. sometimes it’s like expecting a cat to bark.
Holli, I now see the on the fence types as those who maybe can’t decide? Maybe they are conflicted? Maybe they don’t know? Maybe they’re afraid. Maybe they’re lazy? Maybe they aren’t paying attention? Maybe they’re distracted by their own lives? Maybe they are really on the fence… especially if it’s not their issue. I hear that it makes your heart ache. It makes my heart ache for the gay people in my own life. And it makes my heart for people who are not seen for as, David said, not seen as their whole self. Being a marginalized person is hard. My gay friends and family say that being gay they have to come out in all the new conversations. I feel the exhaustion in this statement. Today, I ran the San Francisco Half Marathon. I ran up to a rock n roll performer who was belting out some awesome kickin’ song and realized he was transgender. We took our picture together, hugged and I was on my way. No one else was running up to him/her to take a picture. My take on it is, I’m not gay nor transgender, I never have had to walk this road. But I am part of peoples lives who do walk this road and it is not an easy one. I hope and believe that someday it won’t be so heart wrenching. I mean, I live in the Bay Area for goodness sake! So, I try to listen to the on the fencers with the same compassion that feel for the gay people in my life. And I say, someday this issue will be like the slavery issue where we look back at the people who were pro slavery as biggots (and assholes and we can’t believe they actually thought that way.) I used to be one of them.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but when I didn’t take an open, public stand (like announcing it on FB, for example, or on my blog) it was because I hoped that if I didn’t say anything direct, I could come at things sideways. I wasn’t a fence-sitter–I had a real stand on the matter. I hoped I could draw people into considering how we treat each other by pointing out that it’s not important to try to figure out the “psychology” (I use that term loosely) of how/why a person is gay–it’s more important to just care about that person. I thought if I didn’t announce my position, then I wouldn’t be seen as having an “agenda.” Over time, though, I saw that most people take a stand against because the beliefs are so ingrained. I hadn’t actually made any impression at all. So I made my position clear. Two really cool things happened. First, my gay friends and family started telling me how much it meant to them to read my words of affirmation. Second, my fellow allies started messaging me and saying, “I thought I was the only one in a sea of conservatives–now I know I’m not alone!” I never changed anyone’s mind on any of this, but I certainly made an impression on people who just wanted someone else in their corner. I think that was a much more important outcome.
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