This topic contains 16 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by 
-
Posts
-
The last couple weeks have been really overwhelming and of a mixed nature. On one hand I was able to spend a couple of different evenings chatting with a few of you here, and those were truly happy times and I can hardly wait for more like them. On the other hand, well..I hurt my back. I wasn’t going to share that here originally, but now it’s escalated to something more involved and then some. You see, I’ve had chronic neck and back pain for years. I have been having TMJ pain from age twelve and started having migraine headaches as a secondary complication at 14. A couple of cases of whiplash (car wrecks) and multiple concussions have left me feeling less than great, and sometimes downright awful. Anyway, I recently was attempting to be a helpful, loving sibling to my younger sister who recently had (of all things) back surgery. Sparing you the details, there was a tub (container) of water involved and it needed to be moved, and I moved it without thinking it all through. So I hurt myself more than I already hurt on regular basis. I tried for about 5 days to just rest and take anti inflammatory pills, but the pain just kept getting worse. I started having pain in my sternum too, with shortness of breath and I went to an urgent care clinic where I was diagnosed with a panic attack. This despite the fact that I told them about the water container/ back pain, and the last time I had a panic attack was over 14 years ago. Anyway, the meds I was prescribed didn’t do anything helpful, and on Monday this week I went to the ER where I was scarcely even examined and they prescribed a narcotic pain reliever and a muscle relaxant. The good news is I got a referral to a doctor’s office and now I’m to go be x-rayed to make sure I didn’t do anything major to my spine.
How this whole thing is getting crazy, and of course not helping me at all is this: My mother in law took it upon herself to call me and chastise me for not having gotten help sooner, because if I would just get a doctor an hour away from me, they could watch my children for me. The huge problem with that is the fact that my condition makes it so I can’t always drive, because I also have Post Concussive Syndrome and am dizzy more often than I’m not. I only drive when I’m feeling as good as I get. But NEVER when I’m feeling dizzy spells all day long. Also, it makes no sense to travel for an hour each way to see a doctor when I can get a doctor right in my neighborhood…I just don’t have anyone to help watch my girls, so we usually try to arrange appointments around my husband’s lunch breaks. Anyway..getting to the thing that made me feel like sharing what I’m going through right now: My mother in law verbally BEAT ME UP about my lack of “faith” because I let her know I appreciated her suggestions but that they weren’t practical for me. She then proceeded to ask me what is wrong with me, that I think I can be omniscient like god, and omnipotent and deal with all these things without anyone’s help! And why can’t I just trust god to make things happen, and take the help I’m being offered!
This just blasted away what little strength I might have had that day. I ended up just saying to her that I was not trying to be contrary, but that I can’t see making a long trek to multiple appointments per week. (basically I repeated myself)
It just stings so much. I actually DO have obstacles, but I don’t think I’m above help. In fact, I would love to have help. It’s just that even when I was in church, no one was there to help me..except for my husband and occasionally one or two others, but very rarely.
Ultimately, I feel like my physical spine and my spiritual spine are simultaneously under attack.
-
This topic was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by
David Hayward.
-
This topic was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by David Hayward.
AnonymousYour mother-in-law needs to stuff it up her coochie.
Sorry to hear about all of the issues you’ve been going thru. Everything is impermanent, even trouble. You are perfect as you are, and your mother-in-law is confused.
Ya I agree with Guru Moxie. Focus on getting well. We don’t need any more Job’s comforters.
Ha! Omg, thanks for the laugh GuruMike! And David, for real…ugh.
AnonymousHi Moxie,
Thanks for what you wrote. I hope you have gotten a little relief. I can relate to the spiritual spine reference. Something in that for me. Reminded me of kundalini emergency. Are you familiar? Anyhoo, not that I think that is what is going on for you at all, just the way you likened your physical spine with your spiritual spine reminded me of that.
I was ill for a good long time and my spinal cord was involved. So I had a ton of weird symtpoms, pain, neuropathies, a ton. And I was told that I had “repressed trauma/atypical panic disorder”. Pffffttt! I have come to believe that doctors have no capacity for creative imaginations. They are learning bound. Perhaps a smidge more ego-bound than the rest of us.
Listening to my body, surrendering to the mystery of what was happening and how long it would go on and trying to figure out how to rely on a mysterious God was/is a very long journey for me. But I do think I grasp a little bit of how my body tells me things I need to know about my spirit. So I listen to it with new ears now.
I really hope you feel better and that you can toss the pills they gave you, if you havent already. I got the sense you feel the same way about them as I do. They may be helpful for acute events, short-term. But for me, they are more trouble than they are worth.
Not that you asked for my two cents on the matter. Sorry (grin) Feel better soon!
ChaseM
Thank you, ChaseM! No, I didn’t know Kundalini Emergency, but because of you I found out a little bit about it. Very interesting, and who knows?
I share your sentiment that lots of physicians seem not to know how to use anything but their doctorates to look at patients. I have been fortunate enough to find a pediatrician for my daughter who is a wonderful listener and compassionate, so I know there are SOME who aren’t tied to their charts and pills, but still..ugh..it gets SO frustrating to always be told that my pain is being caused by me…in my head. I am sorry you also have experienced physical pain that was chalked up to be because your “head’s a mess”…I am a little surprised you weren’t diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I keep hoping and hoping that they don’t decide that’s what I have, since I don’t think it’s anything but a label on an idiopathic group of symptoms. And I could NOT take the pills they give to people with that. I use prescription meds VERY cautiously as I had a mental break in 2003 and my head doctors put me on all kinds of things that practically ruined me for a long time in several of my body systems. :/ I still have well over half of the narcotic and muscle relaxant that was given me, and I am opting to use Ibuprofen and heat therapy for my muscle spasming for the most part.Anyway, your two cents are okay by me..thanks!
Moxierocks… I have no advice about back pain but gurumike has it right! Boundaries…. your mother in law was WAY out of line….Her problem, not yours. So sorry for all the trouble you are going through.
Goodness, I’m hurting just reading about your pain. I have neck and shoulder pain but because of something totally different. And I have migraines. But I take a little pill every day and don’t have near as many as I use to so I am grateful for that.
But stress makes neck and back pain and migraines worse. Seems like to me if you MIL wanted to help, she would offer to come to your house while you went to the doctor you wanted to go to; that way the kids would be at home where they are most comfortable and you wouldn’t have to be traveling when you are already in pain.
You said.. “She then proceeded to ask me what is wrong with me, that I think I can be omniscient like god, and omnipotent and deal with all these things without anyone’s help! And why can’t I just trust god to make things happen, and take the help I’m being offered!”
You know, I am telling you this because I have so many times WANTED to say it and didn’t… “If I felt like a sermon I would have gone to church.” I just don’t understand people who like to preach like that. What gives them the right? Well, they don’t have the right but they ‘take’ it sometimes. I’m so sorry she did that to you.
I know it’s been a few days so I hope you are feeling better, both physically and emotionally.
HUGS!!!
RuthAnne…Thank you! I know she was out of line, and that it’s her problem..and what’s more I SO want to tell her so. I actually have “kind of” told her to back off a couple of times in the past 13 years I have been married to her son..but they usually don’t go well. It’s as though she thinks I will always be a child. She has this way of making me feel like one with the words and tone she chooses. She is very forceful, actually.UGH!
Ang, you hit the nail on the head! I have felt like saying that same thing about a hundred times or more! Oh, geeze does my blood boil!
And yes, I think my life filled with so much stress and difficult times has definitely made my neck/shoulder/back pain worse for sure. I am so used to living with a certain amount of pain that I actually fell apart into tears when someone told me they were looking forward to hearing that I am “pain-free”…it suddenly dawned on me that I do not remember what that is like! It was so weird to realize..and then I had a nice little pity party for myself there for a bit. But I have so much to be grateful for, and I’m trying to get help, and do what I can to get healthier and stronger, since I know I’ve not been able to really care for ME when there’s been so much else going on that needed my full attention the last few years. If nothing else, times like recently when it hurts so much more and keeps me off my feet, it makes me able to empathize with many sufferers of constant pain/discomfort and helps me to be grateful for the times when I feel pretty good.
AnonymousThat’s funny, I was just talking to a friend yesterday about people who take care of others for themselves, not actually to help others. Sounds like you MIL doesn’t have much self-worth unless she can force her “care” on people. It’s totally self-focused and has nothing to do with helping you. So sorry. These people are hard to deal with. There’s no reasoning with them. Family. Sheesh.
@meetvirginia EXACTLY! Thank you for that.,,,it’s sad isn’t it, that family can so often be the ones you want to stay far away from?
Moxie, for the record you have a great sense of humor and have made me laugh til I snorted. That being said, oh geez this all sucks! I’m with guruMike. And I’m glad you listened to whatever it was that made you post here. These folks have great feedback!
Hey, moxierocks, that sounds miserable — my heart goes out to you!
I don’t know if this will help, but I offer it because it often works for me.
When I am angry at someone, or hurt by someone, or frightened by someone, I try to offer metta (lovingkindness to that person) — as well as to myself!
I do this during regular meditation sessions, or if I have a few minutes in the midst of daily stress. I take a moment to concentrate on my breathing, and when I am fairly calm, I begin:
“May _______ be happy.” (And I imagine them or myself as happy.)
“May ________ be peaceful.” (Imagine it…)
“May ________ be safe… be healthy… be comfortably prosperous… be able to care for him/her/myself with great ease and joy.”
Where I meet resistance, I examine it. Often I have to remind myself that if this person was happy and peaceful, they would not be saying hurtful things to me, or whatever they did.
Over time, I have found this practice to be very healing, so that I don’t get angry, hurt or frightened so quickly, or hang on to those feelings so long as I used to.
Again, this may not seem useful to you at all, and in that case, feel free to disregard it.
And rest assured, you will be in my thoughts this evening as I sit down to meditate.
I’m a few days behind on this post and every one has basically said everything I would have. I don’t want this to be about attacking your MIL, but she was waaaay out of line. The last time checked you were an adult, and pretty awesomely intelligent one to boot. In my job I’ve had to put family members out of rooms for behavior like that. When a person of faith basically kicks someone when they’re down, while invoking God’s name, it infuriates me. It did when I attended church. It still does now.
I live 3000+ miles from my nearest relative and can think of very few things that would make me change that. I know what it’s like to deal with overbearing know-it-alls. Never let anyone tell you what’s best for you, especially if you’re dealing with medical complexities that they don’t understand. Listen to your body and trust yourself to do what’s right for you. I’m so glad you came to us with this. I wish I was closer to give you a hug. Keep us posted. {hugs}
-
This topic was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.