How Much Should A Non-Theist Bring Here?

[servantgirlParticipant]

I sometimes feel out of place here.   2 months after leaving the church I started a blog as a therapeutic outlet.  I never expected 1 follower, but by the time I ended it last month I had over 3000 followers and over 5000 viewers daily.  I had plenty of interaction with my followers, yet I felt out of place.  When people visit an atheist blog, they often don’t expect to find some of the things I posted.  It was meant to be my outlet so I shared a lot of my personal struggles with religion and how it felt to look at things from the other side.  Something I never found when I was struggling were non-theists bloggers who did that.  It worked for a time, but in the end I felt that the blog had outlived it’s usefulness and it was time to move on.  However just like I did with the church, I hung in there longer than I should have for the community.

Then David posted about this site and it sounded like it was exactly what I needed.  You guys are amazing!  Your stories have made me cry and issue internet high-fives on so many occasions.  Spiritually we’re on different paths, but as human beings, the connection I’ve made here are invaluable.  It is with the deepest sincerity that I say I’m humbled to be a part of this.

So now I need some help/advise.  This place is about spiritual independence.  Spiritual freedom/independence looks different to everyone.  I  see a lot of where I used to be in your stories.  The person I was when I stilled believed in God and was determined that man’s interpretation of scripture would not rule my life.  It was about me and God, the hell with the intermediaries.  Having left my church and religion, then setting out on my own spiritual path has not been without struggles.  My world got very small the minute I lost most of my church connections, but has grown over time with people whom I formed bonds with both on and off the internet.  Yet I still sometimes feel out of place.  I’m not quite what non-theists want me to be.  I struggle with labels, boundaries, and stereotypes.  I also have a wicked stubborn streak and don’t do well with being told who or what I should be.  More importantly, I’m on a path of my own making.  I don’t particularly want to journey in the footsteps of others.  I feel that we’re all on our own journey here, but mine feels so far removed from the rest of you.

I feel like I have a lot to give, having lived my faith for over 30 years. What I don’t feel comfortable with is bringing my current spiritual struggles here.  My path is about personal accountability and enlightenment   Looking inward for answers on what is right and holding myself accountable for my actions, not passing blame or inflicting pain on others because of my personal beliefs.  That’s it.  My path is pretty much fueled by human decency.  However as a non-theist, there are matters of faith that still touch my life – things I have major issues with but don’t feel comfortable bringing here.  Which is a little disconcerting because outside of being with my closest friends, this is were I feel most safe.

David has known me for a few years.  He can attest that what comes out here, comes out on Facebook, and came out in my blog, with the exception of me being more filtered here.  I’m not used to holding back.  Do I continue to do so and find another outlet for those issues, or can I bring them here?  As I’ve shared with David privately, I do not want my lack of belief to ever be a source of discomfort to anyone here.   I’d sooner leave than let that happen.

• This topic was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  David Hayward.
• This topic was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  David Hayward.

[David HaywardKeymaster]

You know how I feel about this Servantgirl. I would love to get responses from others.

[Ruth AnneParticipant]

Servantgirl, you can bring anything here you want to. I love you to bits and always enjoy reading whatever you write!

[servantgirlParticipant]

Thanks Guys!  As I just told another member, instinctively I knew that would be the response I’d get here, but while unfiltered, I’m very cautious and respectful of others and their beliefs.  No one could have made me leave the church before I was ready and I’d hate for my thoughts to be misconstrued as me attempting to change people’s minds, or starting a theist vs. non-theist debate.  I had as many Christians that followed my blog as I did non-theist.  I hate black and white areas, but I live comfortably in the grey.  Unfortunately I’ve had to deal with people putting me in a box based on my lack of belief.  Interestingly enough, I’ve never made a judgment on a person based on their faith, but solely on their actions.  It’s not a courtesy that usually extended to me outside of this forum when I comment on matters of religion in primarily religious circles.

 

[Anonymous]

I’m so curious about why you’d hold back…or feel like you had to, servantgirl. I’m with David and Ruth Anne: BRING IT!

It feels like a thin line at times – standing strong and firm in what we do believe and trying to figure out if speaking of such will feel like evangelization to others. I’ve decided that it’s too exhausting to manage everyone else’s experiences of me…that they are grown-ups and can handle that, or not.

‘Guessing we can do the same…And speaking for myself, I’d LOVE to hear what you’ve NOT yet said!

Did I mention, BRING IT?!?

[moxierocksParticipant]

Servantgirl, I think that this place is the FIRST place like, EVER where I feel like I can say almost anything. Almost everyplace else I feel like I have to keep it all inside. This isn’t to say that I don’t consider what I’m saying, but I know that I’m safe here, and I hope that you can feel that way, too. I’m in a stage where I just want to rant about the stuff that I’ve kept to myself for so long…and so I’ve started to. Take a deep breath and let it out! I for one want to hear it!

By the way, I call myself a w.k.w. (Who knows what) even though I think they call me agnostic..but I’m just not sure.

 

[starfielderParticipant]

I read just about everything you write (if I haven’t read it it is only because I missed it) … I love it that you think about all this stuff. Thank you so much for what you have shared so far. Your path is your own sacred path and I’m glad you are here.

So much of all of these beliefs and thoughts are grey. That’s what has lead most of us here.

I’m with Ronna, Ruth Anne, and Moxie, bring it on. And, WHAT haven’t you shared? I’m curious too…

[Anonymous]

Like you said, the path to spiritual independence looks very different in everyone’s lives.  We all need that diversity to learn and grow from eachother.  If all of us here believe the same thing, then we’ve just re-invented the wheel, in my opinion.  Let’s celebrate diversity and support each other where we’re at. Bring it!  Bring yourself, your whole self.  And lets all be stretched and help each other grow.

[RichardParticipant]

One of the difficulties that I face as a non-theist is my observation that once you create a deity you bring a whole layer of anthropomorphic expectations.  So when someone says they are praying for me or they rely on the true Jesus or even generic calls on the spirit of god I feel I have to edit myself here.  Because I remember what it was like to be a believer.  And I also remember the painful process of being stripped bare of all my assumptions about life when confronted with the absolute lack of evidence I had for my beliefs.

I consider anything that claims to know something we can’t possibly know to be ultimately harmful.  And many of these statements that come from the culture of Christianity are based on what I call “sound bytes.”  These are said so often and without thinking that they enter the mind with no challenge.  That is one thing that I have appreciated about David’s art and his journey.  He challenges everything.  This process of challenging everything is essential if you want to live in a world of truth.  Yes, it can be tiresome.  It is easier to rest on sound bytes.  And sometimes challenging everything can keep you from moving forward.

That is the beauty of being an agnostic.  Ag = not and Gnosis = knowing.  To freely admit that one does not know is just as much truth as knowing.  I learned the term rigorous honesty from AA and it has provided a way of being in the world that allowed me to join the human race and stop being this super Christian/loving person trying to figure out what would Jesus do.

There are forums that I don’t hold back anything, but here I try to connect on a human level.  I try to listen, not so much to the words, but to the intent.  I am a humanist and I believe in people.  And to that end I’m not so interested in gods that try to define people, but people themselves.

[Anonymous]

I almost didn’t join this site because I find that I’m no longer in a place where I’m chewing on things. Or at least, that’s the phase I have been in for about a year now. And I didn’t want to seem like a peeping Tom if I just hung around and didn’t contribute. But something David said early on has stuck with me and that is that (totally paraphrasing here) people in all phases are welcome. You never know who might need to hear where you’ve been and how you got there. So I joined. Well, I joined mostly because I was jealous everytime I saw David post about a chat on Facebook. LOL

I have a couple atheist friends. One friend I just defriended on Facebook because she was downright rude to me when I posted links or status updates that she thought were ridiculous. Another atheist friend is amazing and I wish I could talk with him more frequently because he’s so respectful of the process and of each person’s right to follow his or her own path. I’m pretty sure, hardly knowing you at all, servantgirl, that you’re likely more like my friend Matt and less like my other friend.

You never know who might need to hear your unique voice.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I wasn’t sure whether to reply to this post or not.  I find that I’ve been censoring a bit too, for the opposite reason.  I still hold onto my faith because it’s been the one constant in my life.  It may have changed over time, but it’s still there under everything.  But seeing so many people who have not only left church but have also left religion, I felt a bit like a square peg.

The truth is, it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one feeling that way–even if it’s for different reasons.  I’m not going to try to convince anyone else I’m “right,” but I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable that I haven’t achieved some imaginary pinnacle of spiritual development, either.

I guess what I’m trying to say (in my not very smooth way) is that I think it would be so much better if we could all just be honest about where we are without worrying that we’re offending anyone else or making demands on them.  I would rather have non-theists be honest about their journeys and be able to be honest about mine than the alternative.

[starfielderParticipant]

I’m with Amy, “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think it would be so much better if we could all just be honest about where we are without worrying that we’re offending anyone else or making demands on them.  I would rather have non-theists be honest about their journeys and be able to be honest about mine than the alternative.”

[Anonymous]

What everyone said basically – the freedom to be authentic and honest. I’m like a belief (or unbelief) voyeur – I like to see what others believe or don’t and why. I’m not always comfortable with labels, but I probably put myself in the ‘seeker’ area . I ask lots of questions. So here’s confessing my ignorance – I haven’t heard the term ‘non theist’ used, only atheist. Can someone explain? (or should I just google or wikipedia?). I’m interested in how structure affects our beliefs and mindsets – here in Australia secularism/atheism is dominant, probably closely followed in acceptability by Buddhist beliefs (my personal opinion only) and I suggest to label yourself publicly as Christian might be perceived a bit deviant. PS I relate to what Richard said, I didn’t realise my thinking and language was so ingrained in my former Christian culture until I was pulled up a few times by my atheist boyfriend of the time. It was a challenge I needed.

[David HaywardKeymaster]

Amazing. This is a dream come true for me.

[GaryParticipant]

All I would say servantgirl is bring it!!  This is as much your space as it is anyone else’s.  And besides…if arriving at the same conclusions is a requirement to connect and learn from each other then we are simply back in church.

[Author]

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