This topic contains 55 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by 
Gary 1 year, 9 months ago.
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AnonymousHaving been a victim of childhood sexua abuse, I was already addicted to masturbation by the age 3 or 4. Since I had no safe adults to go to when I was hurting or needed comfort, masturbation was my ONLY means of comfort. However it also generated LOTS of guilt and shame, so I got caught in the repetitive cycle of repenting – promising to stop – then doing it again.
When I was a young adult, I finally realized I was using it for way more than just to relieve sexual tension (which I think is how God intended it to be used.) I turned to it 80% of the time for emotional pain relief – the only problem with that was that it did nothing to resolve the underlying emotional issues. At that point I finally realized that for me, masturbation was as much of an unhealthy addiction as being an alcoholic or drug addict. It was simply my drug of choice, which provided temporary relief, but after the “high” was over , the feelings of loneliness and unhappiness were not only still there, but they were intensified. I finally realized my addiction was only causing me more pain.
I came up with a solution that has worked really well for me. Whenever I feel the urge to masturbate, I FIRST ask myself what is the motivation behind this urge – WHY am I doing this? If I just need that physical/sexual release, then that’s fine, go ahead. But if it’s because I feel lonely, I pick up the phone and talk to a friend instead. Or if if feel unhappy or some other issue is frustrating me, I journal instead. That helps me pinpoint what the root problem is and then I can come up with some ideas for how to resolve it. That has proved to be much more effective and way more satisfying!
When it comes to masturbation, my philosophy is simply this: Use and enjoy it for its intended purpose of sexual release, but “moderation in all things.”
@Jo White : And again, so well put.
Much love to you, Jo!
AnonymousThanks Happy Lee! BTW – I read that article you shared the link to and it was really good!
AnonymousOkay, time to get caught up on these replies:
For me porn and masturbation went hand in hand and both happened for the same reason: loneliness. Also, I would do either to relieve stress. The reason I have stopped both is because of what I was thinking about while doing it. The problem I am noticing with the younger generation is the amount of shame and guilt they feel when they entertain both. This is mainly due for the fact they come from a Christian upbringing.
There is a lot of discussion in the Christian community about the harmful effects of pornography. I think it’s become a topic that is generally seen as disgusting, dirty, and degrading to men and women. I never saw porn in that light, I just knew what it was doing in my personal life and knew I needed to break my addiction to it.
@Chad: In response to your post about 50 Shades of Gray, most of the Christian community abhors it. Me? I’ve been curious. I have a friend who read all three books and thoroughly enjoyed it. Your last point is spot on and is part of why I have given up both porn and masturbation. I would rather learn to be more intimate in my relationships than entertain it outside of it. Preferably in the context of marriage.
The discussion going on about the harmful effects of porn are happening outside the Christian community as well. And to the same extent. Just google it. I found some very good articles in respectable psychology journals.
While Erotica is tiltilating, Porn is pretty gross. That’s really the sum of my opinion on the matter. Also, as I stated above, the expectations that porn creates in young minds is unrealistic. I really don’t know that porn has any benefits whatsoever. Correct me if I’m wrong. And this is not said from a feeling of feeling “dirty” or still holding a legalistic frame of mind, far from it. The article Jo White refers to is very enlightening and masturbation is not a sin. Now… the thought life is another matter.
In the end, the question is how beneficial something is to your spirit, your soul and your mind. To me, porn holds no benefits. So I abstain. But I wouldn’t mind reading an erotic piece of literature. Probably not 50 Shades though. I read a free sample and the writing style is reminiscent of a high school student.
Cheers everyone!
I read 50 shades. I thought is was a great read! It was like reading “Us” magazine or “People.” It’s crap but so fun sometimes. The relationships in the books are so not real life and neither is the sex. (unless one of you wants to fess up that your life is like that.) As a woman I don’t generally counsel men (young or old) about their porn problem. I find this to be a good boundary for me.
Okay, this post finally pushed me to write the review I’ve been planning for the past couple of months. Anyone interested in my take on the 50 shades series can find it here: http://www.chadestes.com/2012/12/50-shades-of-red/
Ha! I already read your review Chad. I think it’s accurate. I still liked the awesomely bad read!
LOL Starfielder! I do understand that. There are a bunch of movies that I like that other people would consider trash!
Chad, can you chat?
Anonymous@Chad: “But our hearts and souls have even deeper appetites for intimacy that can never come from something that is pretend or fake”
Amen.
I’m with you Jlac!
AnonymousI’m loving the responses about pornography.
Curious, what has been your experience with porn + masturbation? What are the ‘side effects’ to either or both in your own life? What do you do to ‘fill in the void’? Hobbies, activities, etc.
For me, I’ve been finding it difficult lately. It comes and goes. Thankfully I haven’t given in, but the thought has crossed my mind.
Well, I’m not really a porn watcher. It’s not interesting to me. Don’t get me wrong, I think sex is great! Hey I read 50 shades! I think the whole subject is so mired in crap and controversy among christians. I applaud your honesty and questions.
Here are some ways I process… I wonder what is really going on inside me that it’s causing me angst. I would ask the same question that was already asked by, was it Jo? What is going on here? What do I really need? Is there something triggering me? Am I involved in this action- porn/masturbation/shopping/… to avoid a way I’m feeling or to avoid something unpleasant? I would invest in knowing myself… what do you need Jlac that you don’t have and what would help you arrive on that road?
AnonymousYes, too much controversy and condemnation. While people applaud our bravery for our openness about the topic, I can still sense a great amount of shame and guilt that is placed on the person once they are open about it.
Porn was always an outlet for me and a way to escape.
You are spot on your questions and I’d say yes to all of them. I think what is lacking most in my life is intimacy. I’m just now getting into a habit of building relationships with other people but there is still inconsistency and a disconnect. It’s never permanent.
Porn + masturbation while temporary were always consistent for that need. So, I’m trying to navigate through the transition and while difficult, it’s freeing.
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