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I found out this morning that my dad is in the hospital and scheduled for bypass surgery on Monday. He’s in a lot of pain.
Of course the expected response is to pray for him, for my mom, for the doctors. But I don’t pray a whole lot these days, having come to question whether God ever actually intervenes. I guess I still kind of stated my hopes for him, but things have changed so much; I don’t even know what to think anymore.
Sorry about your dad @SanG… I’m the same way about prayer. It is a mystery.
AnonymousI know this problem. These days I only pray one prayer, “show me”. I try not to say what, I’ll settle for anything, just show me.
Hi @SanG, I feel for you. It’s a very tough time. I remember last fall when I was laying on the table waiting for the cut and the implantation of my pacemaker with its wires running into the heart chambers. I was nervous and a little afraid and fully awake. I was tempted to pray but disdained being a hypocrite at the time. I trusted that I was in expert hands and accepted that it was what it was. I had not prayed a normal prayer for about a year and a half by then. If there is an almighty God then everything is as it should be; if there is none, then I guess it doesn’t matter. Life is full of the unknown and mystery. I think it is good that we should love and care for others and do what we can as we are moved by compassion, it is just the right thing to do. I hope all the best for you and your dad at this time.
I seem to recall that the normal words at this point from someone who might not pray is “keeping you in my thoughts”. There are other variants.
Personally, I’ve always struggled with prayer. It’s never been easy or automatic. Prayers of those around me almost always sound different to the pray-ers normal diction. And if I’m honest with myself, I guess mine does, too. I’ve long wondered if other people feel like it’s a performance of a sorts.
I haven’t prayed in Bible Study for weeks. Then I got asked to open the prayer the other night. It felt … odd. I felt like I was praying differently. But I don’t think anyone else had heard me pray often enough to notice.
If it helps, in Wicca, prayers still exist, but they are usually to the Goddess and are much more direct and much less “kitchen-sink”-like.
Wade.
I too am shunned by the mystery of prayer. I do pray from time to time during the week, but I know there is a voice at the back of my head asking if there is any point, that if God as already decided everything, and that is God is granting me salvation out of grace, then is there really any point in asking for anything, for giving out thanks? When it feels like a prayer has been answered, is that just the way it was going to work regardless or was there actual divine intervention? I believe whether I prayed or not, the outcome would have been the same. Perhaps that’s the skeptic within me talking…
I just don’t know anymore either…
AnonymousDear SanG: I hope things turn out well for your father on Monday and that his pain can be relieved. I am choosing not to share my personal feelings and experiences about prayer as it is such a personal process and I don’t know that it would be helpful to you. You certainly deserve some measure of peace and support at this time, and I hope you find whatever process(es) provide you with that. All the best to you and your father.
I read a post on prayer on a blog by a guy going by the name of Mr Oz Atheist. Thought it was an interesting read and thought I’d post it here
http://mrozatheist.blogspot.ca/2012/08/the-prayer-challenge.html
Thank you all for your thoughts. Many of your thoughts are similar to mine.
I’ve wondered more often lately if prayer is really more about the intentions humans have toward each other. Like the idea that we can affect another simply by what we think in their direction or what we wish for them, especially when we are unable to DO something. Love flowing from one to another maybe? And this is a part of all of humanity, not confined to the Christian idea of God.
I’m still inclined to believe that there is a God, but if his power is now in us…?
Obviously I’m kind rambling and unable to state this clearly. It’s just been a vague idea and this is my first attempt to write it down. Thanks for being a safe place to do that.
Meanwhile, my dad is 1600 miles away and all I can do is hope for good to come for them.
@SanG, Christine Marietta has this quote on her latest blog:
My evangelical training taught me to keep my stories silent until I reached the happy endings. That is so tempting right now. I prefer to write when I’ve already had and acted on some brilliant insight. How I love to see myself at the end of every story, standing in the clearing and shouting encouragement to others who are still wandering the forest. But with this one, I’m in the thick of it. I’m ambivalent and angry. I am as uncertain as I’ve ever felt about anything. Every tree around me is so insurmountably tall and wide that I have trouble believing there are any paths leading out.
I like the things she says here because I feel this way about prayer… I have seen people be healed when I’ve prayed and I have seen people die when I’ve prayed. I have seen people healed when I’ve prayed and I’ve seen not much happen. I choose to hold you and your family in prayer because I’m a hopeful person and I have seen good outcomes. It’s a mystery and is still unfolding.
It’s nice to know I’m not the only one. I have never been even remotely close to what one of my churches called a “prayer warrior.” Prayer has never made a whole lot of sense to me the way I was taught to do it–just repeating back some thing I learned about some person who had a “need.” It always felt awkward talking about what I hoped God would do. The church we’ve been attending has formal scripted prayers, of course (which I like because they’re pretty generic). But when it comes to praying for other things, they just read a list of first names or cities or whatever. Just single words, single names, that indicate that the person or the town or the nation or whatever should be held in our hearts. If there really is a God, and God really is all-knowing, then God should already know what needs there are. I like the idea that it’s less about magical thinking (praying “makes” something happen) and more about our connectedness as humans.
AnonymousI have pretty much given up praying for specific outcomes, but I do hope everything goes well with your dad’s bypass surgery and that he has a speedy recovery.
My prayer life changed drastically 10 years ago when my husband walked out on our family and on the church we pastored. I never prayed so hard and so fervently for anything in my life. And because I knew that God couldn’t possibly want my marriage to fail, I was certain he would answer.
Well…that way of thinking and the delusion it provoked cost me dearly. I was so certain of Gods intervention that I didn’t bother to take care of myself and deal with the horror that was obviously encircling me. My denial cost me emotionally, financially and spiritually.
God never did answer that prayer and it changed me forever.
I could no longer look at God as a big master planner who would twist and turn based on my desires and sincere prayer. Truly….I have no clue what ‘God’ has in mind for my life (if anything), so it made sense to stop asking.
For example, today I find myself in a place I never could have imagined or constructed and definitely not something I would have prayed for….but I am happier then ever.
I do pray…but differently. Because I still strongly believe in God (though a huge mystery), prayer is now more a matter of communication, a way to connect to something bigger than myself and a way to pour out my heart and acknowledge that I am small and in need of mercy and care.
There are two of the Sphia prints I own that illustrate this idea for me: Sliver and Surrender@SanG…Peace to you family
@McBeth I resonate with your story. The unanswered prayer changed me. I will never see things the same way again. This was devastating at the time but now I see it as a gift. It opened me up to the “more.” There is always more. More to know. More to understand. More love. More friends. More life!
I love you all sharing your journey here. Thank you.
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