This topic contains 23 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by 
Jon 1 month, 1 week ago.
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Do any of you feel like you have had the best years of your life stolen by religion and its bad teachings? I know I …
Personally, I was taught to wait for God to bring me a husband and it would be revealed to me when he came. Well, we know thats not true at all, but I wasted the best years of my life waiting for that to happen (among other things)
How do you deal with the stolen time, money, dreams, ect?
FitGirl
@Lisa Ranieri, I got really mad and bitter. I honored my bitterness and anger. I threw eggs at walls. I threw stones off cliffs into the mighty Pacific. I burned papers with things written on them about vows I had made. I wrote about it. I talked about it with therapists. I started running. I kept running. I drew pictures. I painted pictures. I took up metal smithing. I wrote stories. I got a dog. I started thinking about how to live without regret and how to live authentically…
Starfielder,
Tell me more–what have you learned about living without regret and living authentically?
Well, one thing I do is, I ask myself this question, “Is this life giving?” If it is great! If it’s not and it’s a drain then I choose whether I will do it or not. I tend to follow what is life giving to me these days. I would still consider myself christian, with a little c. But I like how David says “christianity is my home but I have cottages elsewhere.”
I wrote some about my process on a post that Jo White posted in forums:
http://www.thelastingsupper.com/topic/is-preparing-for-inevitable-losses-possible/#post-13252
Yes, I feel that I gave my best years to “ministry,” and was paid a barely living wage. I have no retirement other than the church’s assurance that God will take care of me because I served him. I also thought God would bring “the one” to my door. Didn’t happen.
The past six years I’ve tried to establish myself in a career but I still have no retirement (making up for trying to live and pay college bills while working in the ministry). I am still single. Sometimes I get angry about it, but I’m doing my best.
The best thing I’ve done to “get over it,” is to acknowledge the wasted time and move forward. I’m exploring other ways to make money – writing, photography, etc. and hopefully things will turn around for me.
AnonymousI definitely feel like I had the best years of my life (50 years!) stolen by religion and its toxic teachings!I do feel I was lied to, used, controlled and manipulated by the church/Evangelical Christianity and lately I feel a lot of anger about that.
Since joining TLS I am learning to finally trust my own spiritual intuition and to trust my own heart, mind, and thoughts. (Which of course I was taught in the church NEVER to do!) I weigh what others say in these forums and on FB, and if something feels right to me I pursue it further, and if it doesn’t call to me, I let it go. (That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong, just that it may not be for me, or it may not be the right timing for me.)
I am trying to find new hobbies and interests so I can meet and get to know non-Christians. (I’m not sure whether I would call myself a Christian anymore or not. I’m more of a “post-Christian/SBNR.” All I know is right now I can’t handle being around traditional Evangelical Christians. It just makes me see RED! Hopefully this will run its course and I can be more objective later on. I know I never plan on going back to ANY church. I am content to find my own spiritual path wherever that takes me.
ok–wow!
Reading your posts has made me realize that I am not alone!! I cant even begin to tell you how comforting that is to me!
@Sassy–keep looking for work you love or go back to school or do whatever it takes to get your life to where you want it! Also, maybe you can follow someone like dave ramsey or susey orman to help you start funding your retirement now. They both have great plans to lead you in that direction. what field of work are you in? P.S.–since the god delivery system of men didnt work for us, I think we should look in other places–LOL–oh, we gotta try and laugh about it right? Sheesh!
@ Jo–I know what you mean by anger, I am in that stage too. To think that I only one life and to have wasted so much of it in a place that ruined every aspect of who I was just gets me…but, I realize that it could be worse b/c some of the people I know are still stuck in it and Im not anymore–we are free now Jo! we are FREE!!!! Isnt that wonderful!!! I am with you on the church thing, I just cant imagine going back to a system like that, one that thinks so inside the box. YUCK! I love what you said about following our own spiritual intuition, I think thats true! Before I was taught to deny my feelings, thats just ridiculous! we have feeling for a reason!
Ladies, thank you for taking the time to reply, you’ll never know how much it means to me to know I am not in this alone. I sincerely wish you both the best in your journey–I think we are the lucky ones–we made it out of the church teachings w enough time to still enjoy life. some people never do!
Love from D.C
FitGirl
@ Starfielder, I am taking the time today to really think about what you said: to live without regret and live authentically. Theres alot of power in those words. I think you are onto something. I would love to talk more about it with you and your ongoing discoveries…
Lets keep in touch
Love,
FitGirl
AnonymousMy mom still tries to sell the crap-line that “God will have you meet the right one when the time is right.” I read an excellent blog post which a friend linked to on FB (I wish I could now find it and share it with you) which essentially says that “there is no ‘the one’ but ‘the one’ is the one you marry.”
The one thing I’ve learned from Christianity is the necessity of constant conversion – that is, you can reinvent yourself if you so choose. The past 6 1/2 months has seen me testing the waters with a lot of fairly new things, attempting to see where I fit in, what I have a passion for, what I can do for others, etc.. I know that sounds remarkably more optimistic than the experience has felt. Trust me, there’s been a lot of moping, lying on the bed/couch depressed, crying, unhealthy Netflix marathons with junk food, but, through it all, I’ve learned that I will survive, life goes on, and, like starfielder said, I either have the option of waiting around to die or picking myself and doing something with the time I have. My biggest problem is that I’ve become horribly impatient! Time passes slowly and sometimes it feels as if I still have two legs stuck in the past and I get so, so anxious to just move on! Sometimes it’s difficult for me to appreciate what is happening now. I’m working on that.
Therapy has been essential for me. I realize now that I would rather go without food than miss a session of therapy. It’s such a great release! I’ve started the process of journaling for 15 minutes in the morning. Anything goes. I start where my mind is at the moment and cease when the 15 minutes are over. I let it go after that. Henri Nouwen’s book “Inner Voice of Love” has been a huge help to me during my time of healing…which is odd since Nouwen was a Catholic priest and it was the Catholic church which caused me a lot of regression.
AnonymousLisa (well actually this applies to most of us) – When I read your comment that you are angry too, it occurred to me that there was a period of time when I wasn’t angry,so it’s important to realize we may cycle in and out of things like anger and depression(which are components of the grieving process). But we will also experience cycles of celebrating our freedom, figuring out who we truly are and what we really want and then pursuing those things. It’s a process and an ongoing journey which reveals and enables us to live our truth and become our authentic selves. Could anything be better than that? Like you said, We ARE FREE!!
Lisa, I have a good day job and the reason I stay is because I have the best healthcare I’ve ever had and I don’t know anyone else who has it. I work for an international company and since in their country healthcare is free, they give us the best money can buy. I do internal audit but I would rather be traveling, writing and taking photos – telling people’s stories.
I have a Dave Ramsey book I’m working on. I’m also setting up an eBay account to simplify my life a bit and hopefully make a little money at the same time. I’m full of ideas!
AnonymousYes Lisa – Christians believe such lies and dish out so many lies about life. I was gullible and believed them. A lot of it is a load of rubbish as you say.
I still struggle to regain my trust in God – I totally believed He cared for me, then the veil came off and I really felt He doesn’t care for me or my needs at all. Why should He anyhow? but we’re brain-washed in churches to believe He does care.
Anyway, I’ve started to care for myself more. Maybe that’s what God wanted all along.
My immediate response to this was “no” – I think I could not have come to where I am today without the time I have spent in churches. I could not have been convinced that he church was wrong if I had not spent as long as I did within it, and I might have either rejected the faith entirely. So I am where I am now only because of where I have been.
However, a little more thought, and I do resent the work and effort that I put into the church. It was one of my complaints at the last church that I had given a huge amount to the church, and they would give me nothing back. That I do regret, and I do have an issue that the church is so incredibly demanding of people, without (often) and recompense. Of course, this is couched in terms of “sacrifice” and “giving”, not “abuse” and “manipulation”.
So yes, I regret giving so much to the church, because I have come to realise that the church is rather like a black hole and sucks everything from people.
Oh my goodness, I am so glad to have found this community. It’s Friday, it’s been a long week, and my boss just came over and asked if I was actually being productive (I was reading this) and I said no, so she said to go home (she’s nice like that). Honestly, I just rushed home and jumped onto the laptop to devour this thread. There is lots I can say… but let me finish reading first
Just want to say that I really, really identify with everything you guys are saying. x D.Woke up this morning and realised I’m angry – about other people’s stolen years. I knew so many vibrant, intelligent, beautiful women in church who were in their late-30s and beyond, who hadn’t met the man they thought God was going to send them. Which means that they’re still single and many who wanted children, have missed their chance. I don’t think that getting married and having children is something all women want, but these women did. I’m angry at the pastors – happily married – who encouraged them in this ridiculous wait. All you had to look at was the figures – women always outnumber men in churches where I live. How could they encourage this narrow-minded “only date within the (wider) church” attitude? Even my dad, who used to be a pastor (still a believer) said to me once that he was worried I’d gotten the idea of “don’t be unequally yoked” from him. Then he said something I’ll always remember, “men don’t experience spirituality the way women do”. I’ve seen so many relationships not happen or broken up because of the “unequally yoked” thing. I think the church sets a standard for “Mr Right” that’s even harder to attain than that or romantic comedies. Pastors, I’m angry at you. You go home to your (seemingly always blonde and chirpy) wife, and these women go home alone. Being alone forever takes a special kind of person. I know, I’ve been single for long stretches of time, and I’m someone who LIKES my own company. Of course, they say the same thing to gay people – just be celibate. What they’re really saying, is, go home alone for the rest of your life. Don’t have a partner to share it with. This patronising attitude bothered me even when I bought into it all.
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Danielle.
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