Today I am oh.so.angry.

[moxierocksParticipant]

Oh, yes..I am!

So, now it has become necessary for me to delete that girl from my phone. The one who I deleted from Facebook along with all of my husband’s family members and other super religious people who just wouldn’t lay off with the judgement and harassment if ever I posted something that they felt was even a little “unbiblical”. So this person, who harassed and fully hurt and humiliated me the day after I deleted her, suddenly decides to text me early this week with “encouragement” and an announcement about her personal new diet that makes her feel so much more moral. Can I just say, I don’t give care what this person eats..I don’t! I don’t want anything bad to happen to her, but I don’t want to have anything to do with her after the last horrible text conversation in which I tried (and succeeded) to maintain my dignity and be kind, but ultimately she was determined to have the last word and call me names and lift herself up as a godly person in her own eyes. I don’t know if this means I never ever, ever want to talk to her again..but I definitely have absolutely zero interest in talking to her now.

SO, I tried to just let it go. I won’t respond..I won’t. I think I’m going to be able to just let it go and move on, even though her text was just another painful reminder of the fact that I don’t really have any friends. Not here in three dimensional land where I could really, really use some! I’m not unappreciative of you guys, I mean, seriously I would probably not be able to get up in the morning without knowing that this place with these awesome people exists! But, I need MORE..and I know this. So today, I am really angry.

I am angry that this person wants to act like nothing happened.

I am angry that there are so many people blindly listening to their pastor instead of using their brain and maybe listening to their conscience! (And then using what their pastor told them to belittle and berate people who don’t choose a pastor/ancient book to be their guide)

I am SO ANGRY that these same people walk around comparing themselves to “the lost” and cannot see the massive hypocrisy that is becoming more obvious than a ginormous tumour on someone’s face. And they actually JUSTIFY their attitude and behaviors with scripture..(I know I cannot do a thing about this..I’m just ranting..I’m pissed..I’m so pissed!!!)

I am so angry that I can’t stop caring! I mean, it’s just not in my nature to be mean spirited..but I really wish I could just give zero fucks about this person, at least in the sense that I could just forget her and live my life today..But I keep finding myself thinking about her, and sort of wishing that I could tell her that it’s fine..whatever, and, oh you’re a vegan now? Interesting.

And then I get overwhelmed with this terrible boiling anger again..and I want to delete her and her church from my MEMORY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I’m at war with myself again today.

And I need to have some fun, because life has been all work and no play and I think I’m about to implode.

:/

I know this is all over the place and probably kind of confusing..please love me anyway!

[GaryParticipant]

“I know this is all over the place and probably kind of confusing..please love me anyway!”

Unquestionably.  This will not change from any of the incredible people I have met here moxie…I am pretty sure you know that.  But still we need to hear it some times don’t we.  So speaking for myself…hey moxierocks I think you are awesome and have come to love you very much.  The journey out is painful and frustrating and even infuriating…but it is sometimes necessary for all the reasons you intuitively know in your heart.

And also…thanks a bunch for all you contribute around here.  You make a difference to many with your wit and humor and honesty.

Gary

[moxierocksParticipant]

Thank you so much, @Gary! That was  kind of like a hug..which I have really been needing! (((Gary)))

[HughParticipant]

Hey! It true. Moxie Rocks! We are all on this trip together, we can all take our turn at venting. I think that all of us here are realists when it comes to the human condition. We get by with a little help from our friends.

[moxierocksParticipant]

Thank you, @Hugh ! (((HUGS))) I really appreciate that..and references to The Beatle’s always brighten my day…you’re awesome!

[Anonymous]

Mox – I love you girl!

You are entitled to be angry! It’s the “blind Pharisees” who have NO CLUE who will drive you crazy! Even Jesus felt infuriated with them much of the time, so you’re in good company.  Sometimes he responded to them, but more often than not, he just quietly slipped away from them before they could open their mouth and say anything else stupid, selfish, and arrogantly dripping with “spiritual sugar-coated undeserved guilt trips!”

I have been through that with my own parents. They are so spiritually toxic and in so much denial that I had to cut all ties with them. You wouldn’t believe the level of toxicity and painful shit my mother tried to dump on me and my brother after we found out my “preacher-father” was molesting my brother’s girls. I think when people are that dysfunctional and inflict that much pain (in the name of religion!), you have no other choice but to cut all ties with them. You don’t have to get ugly about it, unless they refuse to respect  your boundaries. THEN ANYTHING GOES! (Just depends how much ammunition you want to give them to use against you later.)

It was the prophet Jeremiah who said, “You can’t heal a wound by saying it isn’t there.”  Yet that is exactly the crazy-making strategy of “blind Pharisees.” And if you call them on it, well, then they make YOU out to be the “bad guy.”  It IS LITERALLY CRAZY-MAKING!!! You have the right to not have these people  barging into your private space.

Got any plates you can break? Or rocks you can throw? An old board you can hammer some nails into?  Or you can always scream PIPE THE FUCK DOWN  (insert their name here) into your pillow as many times as it takes to feel calm again! 

Hang in there Mox! You know we are here for you – to listen, to commiserate, to console, to offer cyber hugs and insights, etc. (I wish it could be in person too!)

[SylParticipant]

(((((HUGS))))) Of course we “love you anyway”! So – you did something concrete to address the problem – you deleted her from your phone. Good. Practical action. Now, go be nice to yourself. You’re allowed to be angry and upset (human much?) – it takes time for these things to simmer down and fade enough to not send your blood pressure soaring. Having fun is an excellent idea. Wish you weren’t diagonally across the continent…

[starfielderParticipant]

Mox,  One time I was in an AL-ANON meeting and I was sharing about a problem I was having with so and so…. and the group gave me suggestions as to how to handle it and I replied, “I don’t want to be mean.”     Someone in the group spoke up quietly and said these 7 words that shifted my thinking forever…. “SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE ASSHOLES” LIke it had never occurred to me that assholes have friends and even if I am one I will still have friends. Sheesh!

So, I pass along this little nugget to say that it’s ok. That your goal was to have dignity and be kind?! WOW you did it!

“I tried (and succeeded) to maintain my dignity and be kind”  

Sending you love! ((((MOX)))))

[HeleneParticipant]

To the Mox

I discovered a love of boxing when I did a self-defence course years ago. Not boxing as in flogging someone,  but boxing training. It was incredibly satisfying beating a bag up and I highly recommend it while screaming “pipe the fuck down with your biodynamic alfalfa & mung bean munching diet…..”

[starfielderParticipant]

Helene! HA HA HA HA    ‘ It was incredibly satisfying beating a bag up and highly recommend it while screaming”Pipe the F down with your biodynamic alfalfa & mung bean munching diet…”

[Anonymous]

I’d say you are Loved & entitled/welcome to vent. Isn’t that why we’re all here?

[David HaywardKeymaster]

I don’t love you anyway @moxierocks… I love you EVERYWAY!

[AngParticipant]

Hey Moxie…  We all need whatever it is to have the nerve to realize we can live happily ever after without some people in our life.  Why do we feel like we have to make nice with assholes?

HUGS!!!

[starfielderParticipant]

@Ang love it!

[moxierocksParticipant]

(((((HUGS))))) all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!!

[Author]

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