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AnonymousI was first told that I had an addiction to porn back in the mid-80s. I was in the Air Force back then and was sharing a dorm room with this guy who had all of these posters of young women wearing cut-off shorts and partially open button-down shirts and a lot of makeup. I have to admit that at the time I did appreciate the decor. He wall-papered the whole room with these images and every night when I laid my head down on my pillow I would look over at photos of my wife and daughter on my side of the room and fade off to sleep.
This of course led to some pretty strange dreams. One where I was King David and actually was married to all these women… But that is another story.
Well, I was such a good little Christian robot back then that I led a weekly Bible study out of that dorm room whereby upwards to 16 people would crowd the small room to hear me play guitar, sing and talk about the Bible. I actually had followers. Which was a little weird. I went to an AOG church in Columbus, MIssissippi and my wife and child were living with her family in Seattle while we saved up money for our next military move.
I met this guy named Steve in that Bible study and he quickly became like a shadow to me. Everywhere I went he went. We talked about Jesus mostly. He even followed me to that AOG church. On Friday nights we had a weekly testimony night, whereby folks got to say out loud their testimonies to the benefit of the congregation. Steve had come for a few weeks and he had finally gotten up the nerve to speak to the congregation in the form of a testimony.
I was so proud of him as he stood there in front of 50 or 60 church members and the pastor. He said “Hi, my name is Steve, and this is my first time to talk.”
The whole church smiled back at him and honored him with their complete attention. He went on.
“I really only stood up to ask if you would all pray.”
The crowd nodded their heads in agreement and smiled those lovely well-intentioned smiles.
“Please everyone – would you please pray for John Martinez, my friend and mentor.”
I smiled and listened feeling honored that he would ask them to pray for me.
“He has developed a pretty bad porn addiction and he needs your help.”
My smile turned to just a look of surprise, my mouth wide open. Everyone said “Amen” and I just sat there with the same look on my face wondering how in hell he got that I had a porn addiction. He told me later “well John, it’s all those pictures you got hanging in your room. How could you not have a porn addiction?”
I just chuckled at that and had nothing else to say. I tried to explain that these were not my posters, but he just gave me that knowing smile. One that seems to say “I know you’re lying, but I love you anyway.”
Anything like this ever happen to you?
HAHAHAHA great story!!!
AnonymousYou asked for it…
holy crapola….!
I’m still laughing John, and wonder what Steve is up to now. Probably still publically calling people out on their ‘addictions’. Bible study in the porn den eh. My dad was exposed to pretty graphic porn in some workplaces – blokely tradesmen spots. Stuff worthy of a medical journal. As a woman, I found it embarrassing to visit him at work. “I just look at their eyes” he’d say, meaning he’d look beyond the graphic representation in front of him (no lol there, he was serious) to what was beyond. And they were pretty soul-less, dead eyes. Anyhow, sorry if I’ve rained on the parade, mine is a different topic really, and yours is a fabulous story pre-fake spray on orange tans !
AnonymousWhat balls, Steve! Honestly, this is really funny. I don’t know why but it reminds me of when I was a youngster in the church and everyone was asked to find a partner and pray for them. My partner told me she had a bowel obstruction – and, as a 10 year old, I hadn’t the slightest clue as to what THAT was. But I prayed. Oh, I prayed. “God, just TOUCH that bowel. Just…TOUCH that bowel…Oh God. Just be in that bowel, right now, oh God.”
All this to say, people make strange connections when they don’t know what their talking about. I’m glad you chuckled about it – it’s chuckleable.
Ha!
It’s good you could laugh.
Anonymousthanks you all for the chuckles, you guys all rock…….high five
Hahahaha!!! I’m glad it’s okay to laugh at this one, because I would have not been able to NOT laugh! Wowzah..intervention much, Steve? Lol!
Oh this is funny. I would have been mortified. Now I would probably respond that my taste in porn is milder than Song of Solomon. LOL
Hahahaha! Good that you have a sense of humor about it. The last time someone tried the “I’ll pray for you” thing with me, I didn’t find it funny until my husband said, “Oh, cool! You’re now her personal mission project!” At that point, I just lost it and laughed for a very long time. What else can we do, right?
Anonymous@Helene I have often wondered that too. This of course was the same church where the Pastor’s wife led a women’s conference whereby she told the women (my wife included) that is their job to keep their man sexually satisfied and if he cheats, it is their fault. My wife disagreed even back then.
Oh and yeah, that is all I was looking at too – their eyes… @Hollidurost lol – Lord Jesus please take that bowel into your hand and release the demon!
@SanG Yeah, I don’t know why I was not severely ticked off, I think it was because Steve genuinely thought he was helping me and he seemed so serious and well he was kind of shy…. I really was a pretty nice kid back then…
@kathi-hatten and @Movierocks – glad I could be a good source of chuckles for you two.
@Gary – exactly. Heh, that stuff in the room was really the equivalent of pin-ups, not really porn by any means, and not nearly as pornographic as making it with a gazelle…
@Amy I think I have always been someone’s personal mission project… lol
AnonymousHey – didn’t realise you were ex-air force. Me too.
Great sharing. I’ve for sure had simlar things, usually along the lines of “I’m telling you this as a freind” or you know Adam this is such and such a situation and we all need to be doing what we can in pulling our weight to address it when I have talked the way they have spoken to me in public and the affect it has had on me. I’ve found one line that worked just last week “OK so I am supposed to defer to what you say God would have me do in this situation”. That put a stop to their nonsens LOL. Then came to me and apologised later. Hopefully that will be conducive to more healthy exchanges in future. I talked with a female freind recently about such tings and she said oh just tell them to “fuck off”. Tried that one too – that usually leaves people with knowing where you stand in no uncertan terms I find :). I am learnign that profianity has its uses :).
Anonymous@Adam-Julians lol – I agree that profanity has its uses.
I think Steve was clueless about projection. Heh…
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