@staticsan
active 1 week, 4 days agoForum Replies Created
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That’s a good summary, David. It is self-analysis and honest understanding. But it is also a place to do so and someone who can guide you through the emotions at a pace that it safe. Therapy and counselling can take a long time. Years.
That is indeed it, Danielle.
Wade.
I miss making music, to be honest, but I never developed the disciplines to be able to create the sort of music I love listening to. I would’ve loved loved loved my worship band to move to a more of either a synth-pop or even electronica style, but most casual musicians just cannot play either of them. So we instead land somewhere between folk and rock. :-/ I do do what I can to pull in other styles, though. Sometimes I add a hint of funk, or orchestral, or, yes, synth-pop, but I’m doing all the work of pushing the genre. Still, even that doesn’t really make it any easier to play songs I can’t sing the words to.
Curiously, it was the morning service that I had some real conversations with people. I do forget that some people there are aware of less-mainstream shades of Christianity. One chap was interested in where “I was going now” and I kinda felt bad that I couldn’t really explain to him that it was a Pagan Full Moon Circle!
(I definitely need to see if he’s on Facebook…) In the end I left it that I’d “forgot” their name, which was true at the start.I don’t intend to go back for another visit for a while. Probably not never, but not for a while.
Wade.
The most recent decade was the focus of the service this morning. If anything there were more people this morning than last night. It was also lengthy. A normal service length is somewhere between 80 and 100 minutes. This morning’s went past 2 hours. If anything, it confirmed to me that I don’t belong there anymore.
Which was amusing when I discovered later that I could’ve been involved and playing music! The (very) new music co-ordinator tried to get hold of some past musicians. But for some reason he had my phone number wrong… I still don’t know if I would’ve said yes.
Wade.
Not for the first time I wished Pagan and Wiccan traditions were more evangelistic, but that would fundamentally change them. Also not for the first time I mourned (slightly) the fact that Christianity has made our western society largely monotheistic.
Author Brian McLaren argues that the idea of Hell is indeed a Hellenic concept, added to Christianity quite deliberately perhaps a few hundred years after Jesus. Scholars aren’t sure when, though, other than it is a Hellenic and not a Judaistic concept. But remember Paul was well-versed in Greek thinking.
McLaren mentions it in his book “A New Type Of Christianity”. In addition, the idea of a permanent, continuous punishment (which is embodied in the idea of Hell) is also very Hellenistic. Judaistic ideas of that are of a single punishment event, then it’s over and everyone moves forward.
I find my spiritual highs in other places, now. They are a bit less often but also quite different now that I’m wiccaan.
I think the church-created highs are a bit relentless, actually, especially the ones from the weekly services. Things like conferences and camps are higher highs, in a way.
Wade.
All wonderful responses. If I may add one more: Tiffany, don’t beat yourself up about it. Don’t deny yourself from mourning the loss, from being angry. If you can, use the angry energy. Because it is energetic and can be useful.
It will take time to heal. Lots of time. It might be weeks, but it is more likely to be years. If you’ll let us, we can be alongside you for as much of that journey as you will permit. Most of us have been through or are going through that sort of journey.
Wade.
Recognising when you have gone through a loss sequence before is probably the most valuable thing I knew. It happened when I fell out with my (ex) wife and the counselling meant I learnt to understand what happened. Amongst other things, this meant I was aware of what I was uncomfortable with and to some extent why.
On top of that, being prepared for altering your journey away from a church is also important. I left my bible study/home group/life group rather more suddenly than I expected to, for instance. But I was open to the possibility.
Wade.
Jo, that puts it so apt. A house-of-cards crashing down…
Peter, it was reading some non-mainstream works, including the Gospel of Thomas that showed me there is an awful lot of guilt and fear tangled up with what most mainstream evangelical churches teach. And they don’t even know it!
Wade.
Not sure about “completely” out-of-line, but I took mild exception to a comment in a sermon that basically said all (valid) spiritual choices were Christian or nothing. I know there are many other spiritual paths, though it was understandable a Christian pastor would not want to acknowledge that.
Wade.
One friend I sometimes play tabletop role-playing games with (Dungeons and Dragons), so we have that in common anyway. I’m fairly sure that others will remember me just for what I brought to the services, but they won’t take the steps of reaching out to find out where I am now!
I get more acceptance at the moment from pagans on things spiritual..
Wade.
Oh Sassy, my heart aches for you. A journey like that is so hard.
I have (a very small number of) friends at my (ex) church that are concerned I’m not attending anymore and asking after my spiritual health. It’s as though they don’t know how to be friends otherwise.
Wade.
I am reminded of one popular definition of “insanity”: attempting the same unsuccessful task repeatedly in the hope the outcome will change. :-/
Looking at it that way, I feel like the way the church teaching goes ’round-and-’round-and-’round without seeming to really get anywhere feels like a type of insanity. It was just earlier this year I got sick of trying to find something new in that cycle and broke myself out of it. I discovered even more recently that I’d found out how to be unafraid to try something new and different – and abandoning this insanity was one of the effects of that.
However, there’s a lot to do with your point-of-view. In discussions with a few friends, I am unavoidably reminded of the primacy they place in the Bible and its capacity to speak God’s word. But also the implicit reminder they do not believe in the existence of other spiritual paths. I don’t hold quite those views anymore – and so my path could be seen as a type of “insanity”. Especially as I’ve been in that position for many years!
Wade.
I am reminded of one popular definition of “insanity”: attempting the same unsuccessful task repeatedly in the hope the outcome will change. :-/
Looking at it that way, I feel like the way the church teaching goes ’round-and-’round-and-’round without seeming to really get anywhere feels like a type of insanity. It was just earlier this year I got sick of trying to find something new in that cycle and broke myself out of it. I discovered even more recently that I’d found out how to be unafraid to try something new and different – and abandoning this insanity was one of the effects of that.
However, there’s a lot to do with your point-of-view. In discussions with a few friends, I am unavoidably reminded of the primacy they place in the Bible and its capacity to speak God’s word. But also the implicit reminder they do not believe in the existence of other spiritual paths. I don’t hold quite those views anymore – and so my path could be seen as a type of “insanity”. Especially as I’ve been in that position for many years!
Wade.
