by David Hayward | Mar 10, 2019 | David's Letters, I'm okay
REVERSE-ENGINEER YOUR HAPPINESS The kind of religious culture I grew up in taught me that pursuing my own happiness was wrong. Not just wrong. Sinful! I had to pursue God’s happiness and then he would make me happy. Maybe. Once I left that toxic religion, I had to...
by David Hayward | Feb 5, 2019 | David's Letters, I'm okay
GROWTH MEANS EXPANSION I know I’ve spoken about this before, but I really do think this is important for us. I used to think of personal growth as linear. In this case, we progress along a line, a continuum, like a snail, slowly but surely. We leave our past behind us...
by David Hayward | Jan 28, 2019 | David's Letters, I'm confused
DECONSTRUCTION AS PROGRESS There are misconceptions about deconstruction, which is the changing of our beliefs, the loss of our faith, and for many of us… leaving the church. Some of the misconceptions are these: We are correcting our mistaken spirituality. We are...
by David Hayward | Jan 21, 2019 | David's Letters, I'm okay
I pre-ordered a book because I was excited about it. I’m a fan of the Benedictine monk, Thomas Merton, and have read lots of what he wrote, but I’ve read all his journals. The book I just received is by Mary Gordon, On Thomas Merton. She’s a writer and she’s...
by David Hayward | Jan 14, 2019 | David's Letters, I'm angry, I'm sad
I WILL BE NICE BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE I realized a few weeks ago that I play a different role than many people online. Some claim I still have a “pastor’s heart”. What that means is I can’t help caring for people, thinking about them for the long haul, and giving...
by David Hayward | Jan 9, 2019 | David's Letters, I'm scared
When I left the church in 2010 I was numb for about a year. I thought I was doing awesome when in fact I was completely unaware of how unwell I really was. I was going through a massive transition and my favorite way of dealing with stress is to turn off...
by David Hayward | Dec 28, 2018 | David's Letters, I'm confused, I'm okay
“What’s the Meaning of Christmas Anymore?” Lisa and I were relaxing over the Christmas holidays. I think we were having a glass of wine, listening to music, and reading in front of the wood stove. Ya. Nice. She abruptly asked me a question. She does...
by David Hayward | Dec 28, 2018 | David's Letters, I'm okay
YOU DON’T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE EXCEPTIONALLY NICE Maybe like me you grew up in a religious culture that valued superficial syrupy relationships rather than real authentic ones. It was our responsibility to be exceptionally nice, always forgiving, forever reconciling,...
by David Hayward | Dec 9, 2018 | David's Letters, I'm confused
Many people in TLS have gone through unbelievable ordeals. Some of you are still going through them. The chaotic confusion we experience when going through traumatic change is completely normal. Expect it! BUT… Is it possible to live so freely that you are not...
by David Hayward | Dec 2, 2018 | David's Letters, I'm okay
This is something I’ve always believed to be true. It’s something I have taught many times before. But I always need reminding, and I love reminding others. So I’m reminding you right now. You plant a kernel of corn in the ground. You let it germinate. You let it...
by David Hayward | Nov 28, 2018 | David's Letters, I'm okay
One of the things I came to learn over time as a pastor is that when you give people space, they will heal themselves. Some may do it quickly, while others may take a while. But it never fails: if people are provided a safe space and they desire wholeness, they will...
by David Hayward | Nov 19, 2018 | David's Letters, I'm okay
You’re Not a Failure! Recently, Lisa and I met a good old friend who used to go to my last church that I was the pastor of, and we had a little chat. I was telling her about that dream I had about my snowblower that I wrote to you guys last week. In a nutshell,...
by David Hayward | Nov 2, 2018 | David's Letters, I'm okay
I just have to share with you a bizarre story. Winter’s coming. About this time of year I take my snowblower in for service just to make sure it’s operating properly, the belts are okay, and that it’s ready for a hard winter. I took it in yesterday morning. The NIGHT...
by David Hayward | Oct 29, 2018 | David's Letters, I'm scared
Each new season of growth is initiated by a birth, and often it is just like a birth… where we have to learn how to breathe all over again in a brand new environment. It’s an adjustment. For some of us, it takes a little bit of time, while for others, it could...
by David Hayward | Oct 21, 2018 | David's Letters, I'm okay
OUR MANIFESTO: I first published this Manifesto for Spiritual Independence in 2012 when I started The Lasting Supper. Many of you might not have seen it. So I’m posting it again. I post it every once in a while to remind us of what some of our values are....
by David Hayward | Oct 14, 2018 | David's Letters, I'm sad, I'm scared
Steps to Making New Friends As many of you know, one of the worst aspects of leaving the church is losing all or most of your friends, and the difficulty of making new ones. We may experience extreme loneliness after we leave the church, and some of us fall into the...
